Listen to the Stereo Tonight
by RubyFiamma
Summary: [Series] [8059/5980] [Smut][A/U] A new collection of drabbles and oneshots based on music that I listen to for the pairing Gokudera Hayato x Yamamoto Takeshi. [See March to the Beat of 8059 for first series] Contains mature themes. Each story will have it's appropriate warnings before the fic begins. Listening to the songs before hand or during is highly recommended but not needed.
1. T1 - Eyes Half Closed

**Author's Note :**

Hey guys, it's Ruby Fiamma here! I come bearing gifts! Well, not so much a gift but... another collection of stories based off my music, yay! Most of you have read March to the Beat of 8059 and if you haven't then YOU SHOULD. So you know how it all goes down, I'm too lazy to explain. But, I enjoyed the last one so much that I had to start another series. Music never gets old and it never ceases to inspire me. So, here's the first installment, I hope you enjoy!

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**Listen to the Stereo Tonight **

**[Pairing] **Yamamoto Takeshi x Gokudera Hayato, 8059

**[Rating] 18+, MA, R, NC17 **

**[Warnings] **Smut, Angst, Slight mention of character death

**[Summary] **Set TYL after Tsuna has died and Gokudera is just looking to feel again.

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**Track 01 ****: Eyes Half Closed - Crywolf **_  
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_It's been a few weeks since Tsuna's assassination. Gokudera isn't handling it very well. If he isn't locked away in his room, he's destroying things. Vases, tables, bottles of whiskey... himself._

_When I walk by his room at night, I can hear him crying but it's not a wailing and hysterical cry. It's lonely and guilt ridden, defeated. It's more of a choking sound, like his lungs are desperate to stop seizing the way his heart is._

_I can't stand it, it hurts too much. I'm broken too, Tsuna was my best friend. We all feel guilty and torn and dead inside. Tsuna was our sky, our light. Without him, we feel lost and we've got no sense of direction. But we have each other, and I think that's important. We have to be strong for each other and let each other know that we all feel the same. Tsuna would have wanted that, to see his Guardians comfort each other in their times of need._

_But Gokudera's different. He always has been, you know, a little different. I really liked that about him. Not only was he like a fire cracker, hot and sparking with fire in his eyes but he was gorgeous. More gorgeous than any man should ever be._

_As a teenager he was volatile and awkward but he's grown, so much. He's tall and handsome with smooth ivory skin that stretches across lean and defined muscle and sharp planes line his beveled torso. His eyes are a glowing jade, bright and fierce, his cheekbones high and his jaw structured, especially when he clenches it when he's angry. His lips are plush pink and I find myself watching them when they wrap around a cigarette__. My eyes have always been drawn to them._

_In fact, as I watch him from across the grand ball room of the Vongola Estate, I realize I've always been drawn to him. Like a bee is to a brightly coloured flower, like a moth to an iridescent light. He shines and he doesn't even know it, even with a scowl on his face and drowning himself in tumbler after tumbler of whiskey. He's so beautiful and he doesn't even know it._

_I want to comfort him because I know the pain he feels. If anyone does, it's me. Tsuna was my best friend too, and I've cried. I've felt guilty and hated myself but Tsuna wouldn't want us to grieve like this. He wouldn't want Gokudera to self destruct the way he has been. I'm worried that the next mission, if we ever find the bastards that did this, that he'll go out with a bang, taking the whole world with him. It'd be just like Gokudera to do something like that. And when I think about it, I'd go right along with him, because without Tsuna, without my dad -without him, who would there be left for me to love?_

_This gathering is stupid. The people here are fake and the Guardians have to be worried that the enemies who took Tsuna's life will come to claim ours and the others. Take down the Vongola, the Cavallone, the Shimon and every other families here that support us in one shot. It seems like a really good plan and if I were going to attack, now would be the time._

_When I survey the room, all I see are a sea of featureless faces. There's only one man that stands out, and that's Gokudera. We're all supposed to be on guard at this mourning gathering, a get together for us to grieve and celebrate the life of our boss, the tenth generation Vongola. My best friend, Sawada Tsunayoshi._

_But Gokudera doesn't look like he's alert at all. He's being aloof, cold and indifferent. No one goes near him because they don't want a glass thrown at them or a cigarette in their eye, or even worse - a stick of dynamite. The way he glares is hot and it looks like it could cut through the thickest and strongest steel._

_And while everyone sees anger and arrogance, I see the hurt. I see the emptiness and desolation. My heart wrenches, it makes me feel sick. I think I love him. I __**know **__I love him, but I think I love him more than just a friend. There isn't anyone else I feel this way about, there's no one else that can make me feel so hot with a lopsided and arrogant grin when he's feeling proud and accomplished and wants to rub it in my face, like our competition for Tsuna's right hand man never ended. But he makes me feel so cold when he doesn't call me the usual baseball idiot... or anything anymore. He just nods in acknowledgement or shrugs with indifference. Sometimes he gets angry and tires hitting me. He did once, punched me right in the chin and split it open. He's got mean and nasty left hook. Other times he just slams the door in my face._

_I can't take it anymore. I can't take this place, where people have come to visit us and our supporting families just for political reasons, just to be nosey and mess in our affairs. I don't like the air in here. I feel like I'm suffocating and I probably shouldn't have drank as much as I did, because I feel just a little bit buzzed._

_I can't stand the way that Gokudera looks across the room, alone and resented. No one outside our Vongola circle pities him. Everyone thinks it should have been his job to protect Tsuna, but he didn't know. He wasn't even in Italy when it happened. And no one can __**ever **__make him feel as guilty as he does, because he puts that heavy burden on himself and let's it eat away at him, rotting his insides. But these people with their sneers and whispers behind his back don't help. They only add more fuel to an already out of control wildfire that won't ever cease until he burns out, smoldering into nothing but ash._

_I hate it. I want to just pull him in and love him and make everything right in his world. But I know he'll never let me get that close. Not only am I the dumb jock, the baseball freak or 'not his friend, ever in this lifetime', I am a man and the Rain Guardian. He's told me many times that the mafia isn't made for fairytale love, made of rainbows and unicorns. And two men being in love is even less accepted. Of course it is, it's not just the mafia but it's not socially acceptable in most of the world._

_Well, whatever because I don't care about any of that. Especially not when I'm drunk. I'll love Gokudera how ever way I want to love him, even if it has to be from afar. I just need him to stop looking like that. I __**need **__him to be himself again, because without him I don't know who I'm supposed to be. I'm lost and Gokudera is the only one that knows the direction we should go in. He's the only one that can tell me it's alright to be that baseball freak he doesn't hate as much as he leads on._

_I down the last of my... tenth beer maybe? I've had a few shots in between there too and I know I was supposed to be alert but I am grieving too and having to watch Gokudera get treated this way and not be able to say anything about it has got me really annoyed. I needed something to take the edge off, even if it was too much._

_I set the beer bottle down on the bar and make my way across the room, skillfully avoiding the drunk women trying to cop a feel and the men who want to praise me. for being such a fearless hitman. None of that stuff interests me. I've got tunnel vision and at the end of it stands a beautifully dangerous man who just needs to be reminded that he's loved. That he's not alone._

_I clear the crowd and step up to him and he nearly takes my breath away. He's like a television picture going from out of focus to high definition, he's so amazing up close._

_His silver hair falls over his eyes and he's constantly pushing it back with a heavily ring adorned hand and the red shirt he wears is deep in colour and for some reason it reminds me of his bleeding heart. The heart that bleeds sorrow and pain._

_He would have taken my breath away had he not been leering at me with the cruelest and malicious look I've ever seen marring that flawless face. But I'm too drunk to care if he's angry, too determined to care if he pushes me away because I'm going to tell him. Maybe._

_"Yo, Gokudera." I have to say it coolly, if I come off happy he'll hit me for sure._

_"What the fuck do you want?"_

_I had expected an answer like that._

_I shrug. "It's fucking annoying in here. I can't stand all these fake people. I need a smoke. You got one?" I try and pull off my best Gokudera impression without mocking him._

_Apparently it works because I see the faintest of a smirk, something only someone who's known him for as long as I have would notice._

_"Yeah, I've got one."_

_"Let's go outside. It's too fucking crowded in here," I say._

_He curtly nods and makes his way to the nearest exit and I follow him. It was a lot easier to get him alone than I had expected._

_When we get outside, he hands a cigarette to me and lights his own with a platinum plated Zippo lighter that Tsuna gave him on his twentieth birthday. It's got a skull and crossbones on the front of it and Tsuna's name engraved on the bottom. It makes me a little jealous - just a little - to see that he has something of Tsuna's he gets to keep so close to his heart. And I know it means everything to him, that stupid piece of metal, probably means more to him than his life does._

_"Got a light?" I ask, fitting the cigarette between my teeth._

_Gokudera looks from me to his little cigarette and then down at the lighter still in his hand. He scoffs. "Obviously, you fucking idiot."_

_He comes in close and I can smell his hair - nicotine, gunpowder and... something sugary, but just barely. Just a faint scent of... vanilla maybe? I've never noticed it before but it smells so amazing mixed in with the other scents. Like he's dangerous enough, but if you were Tsuna he was the most caring and generous person in the world. Sweet and selfless._

_"Che. You need me to smoke it for you too?"__ He lights my cigarette and takes a step back, taking a drag of his own._

_I smirked. "Haha, no. I'm pretty good at that, thanks."_

_He snorts and looks out into the night. My eyes follow his._

_The terrace we're on is high above the ground, where all our quarters are. This place hasn't been used in a while because it's the terrace closest to Tsuna's office. It doesn't surprise me that he wants to be here._

_I take a pull on the cigarette and admire the Italian skyline. It's beautiful, with it's sparkling city lights and twinkling stars above. It's kind of romantic but I almost want to laugh at that. Me and Gokudera, under the stars standing close enough to reach out and touch each other, close enough for my skin to tingle everytime he exhales and close enough for me to see the lights reflect in his glassy green eyes._

_"Ah, it's quiet up here," I say, breaking the awkward silence._

_"Tch." He turns and glares at me, but it's not the same look as the one he gave me downstairs. "_**_Was_**_ quiet."_

_He's so good at that, bringing me to my knees with just one look and I've lost all my resolve. Being in such close proximity to him has made my mind muddled and I can't find the words I wanted to say to him earlier. It doesn't help that I'm drunk either._

_"Haha, sorry," I end up saying sheepishly. We stand there in silence for a while, just smoking. I can see him work his jaw and chew on his lip, a habit he has when he's thinking about something._

_This is comfortable but I know in the end, I'll never say what I want to say because I'd rather Gokudera _**_not _**_know how I feel rather than know and reject me. I don't want him to hate me. He's already so far away, even if he's only two feet in front of me._

_I watched him finish his cigarette and flick it over the terrace balcony, watched the glowing embers fall to the unsuspecting people below. He shifted his weight and I felt my stomach clench. This is my chance. If I don't __say anything at all then he'll walk away and I won't get an opportunity like this again._

_But I open my mouth to speak and no sound comes out. He sighs but he doesn't take his eyes off the sky. I can't say a word and I feel the cigarette's heat close to my fingers._

_Gokudera turns on his heel and studies me through narrowed eyes._

"_You're_ _unusually quiet. Have you finally damaged what's left of those brain cells?"_

_His voice... His voice is like sandpaper. It's difficult to explain but, I really love the sound of it. It's raspy and husky from years of yelling and smoking and constant exposure to explosives. But when he's calm and quiet like this, it's got just a little bit of roughness to it. Just like sandpaper. It's smooth with just a little bit of grit. I really want to hear him call my name, my _**_real _**_name with this voice._

_I laugh nervously and scratch the back of my head. I'm really at a loss for words. "Haha, yeah. I uh... it's just been a long night," I end with a sigh. It's not to add drama, it's to signify that when my mouth actually does work, I'm __just too stupid to say what's on my mind._

_He nodded slowly and turned back towards the skyline._

_I let the cigarette fall from my fingers and __I reluctantly turn back to the cherry wood and glass French double doors to __the thrift floor of the estate. And that's when I felt the hard tug at the back of my suit jacket._

_I looked over my shoulder to see Gokudera, silver hair curtained his eyes, holding on to the fabric with a white knuckle grip._

_"Don't... don't go back."_

_"Gokudera?" I turn around to face him, expecting him to__ laugh or something, anything to clear the sudden confusion I have._

_His head is still lowered and his hands are clenched into fists at his sides. I'm not sure what's going on but there's a sudden spark in the pit of my stomach, like maybe there's still hope because he's just asked me to stay with him._

_"I... I'm tired of being alone at night. Just... have a few drinks with me."_

_His voice is wavering, he's nervous and he won't look at me. I'm tired of being alone too. And I really want to be here with him, comfort him any way that I can, even if it's not the way I want to._

_"Okay," I say and he nods and walks past me towards the doors. I can still hear the music and the loud chatter coming from the party downstairs. I pray to whatever gods that are listening that he doesn't change his mind and that no problems arise while we're gone._

_I follow him down the hall and he walks past his room and goes down a few doors and stops in front of my room._

_"Have you got something to drink?" he asks flatly._

_My stomach drops because no, I don't have any alcohol in my room and I don't want that to be the deal breaker._

_"No, haha... I don't actually."_

_He looks down the hallway and chews his bottom lip. "I've got some shit in my room. I'll be back."_

_He still hasn't looked at me and he walks past me without another word._

_I dig my key card out of my pocket and swipe it through the lock mechanism. With a beep, it unlocks and I walk inside, wondering why he wants to drink in my room and not his. Or anywhere else for that matter._

_I shrug out of my jacket and throw it across an armchair, rip off my tie and unbutton my shirt a little. It feels good to be free of the suit and tie. I've never been a fan._

_I turn on some lamps and take a seat on the sofa. There are so many questions going around in my head but I don't have time to think about them because Gokudera is back, shutting and locking the door behind him._

_When I look up, I can barely breathe. He's got his suit jacket off too, his shirt untucked and __unbuttoned a few from the top, like mine. His hair was pulled back and I could feel my heart race as my eyes were drawn to his slender neck and protuberant collar bone. I gulped._

_"All I've got is whiskey."_

_"Oh... that's okay, I think Ive had enough to drink anyways." I let out a nervous laugh._

_He looked over at me and raised an eye brow. "You're drinking this too. Don't be a pussy," he said with a snort._

_I laughed. "Ma ma, I'll drink with you. I sense a challenge coming on."_

_And just as cocky as ever, Gokudera arched his eye brow and smirked. It's been a while since Ive seen that face. "Hn? You think you could beat me, shot for shot? This shit'll put hair on your fucking chest. You can't handle this."_

_I love this side of him._

_He cracked the bottle of yup, you guessed it, whiskey. That's all Gokudera ever drinks. He poured two glasses and handed me one and took one for himself. He clinked our glasses and shot it back. I followed. It's harsh burn and rich-flat taste nearly made me throw up, but I held my own._

_After the fifth shot, I was definitely drunk and knowing Gokudera had been drinking shots of whiskey all night, he had to be at least as drunk as I was but if he was, he wasn't showing it. We didn't talk much, we just drank and I couldn't stand the silence anymore._

_His hair had fallen out and it fell loosely over his shoulders. His cheeks were flushed a soft pink and his lips were rosy and a slight sheen of wetness coated them and all I could think of was kissing him. I just wanted to pull him, hold him and kiss him and tell him he didn't have to be alone. I hurt for Tsuna too and we could help each other through the pain, I could make it better for him._

_We sat across from each other on the floor and he finished the cigarette he was smoking, crushing it into the ashtray. He looked up at me and licked his lips. I near about choked._

_"Go... Gokudera -"_

_And without a word, he crossed the small space between us and he straddled my lap. I couldn't even register what was happening but my heart suddenly leaped out of my throat._

_I looked up at him wide eyed and confused. "Goku- mph!"_

_His lips were on mine and I panicked. I pushed him away, wiping the damp trail his tongue had left on my lips._

_"Whoa, whoa... What are you doing?" I asked frantically. It's not that I didn't want it to happen, believe me I did, so badly but he was going to regret whatever this was in the morning and would hate me if I allowed it to continue. I knew it, and Gokudera was already so far out of my reach. I couldn't bear the thought of never having any relationship with him ever again. I couldn't stand if he hated me._

_He looked at me and narrowed his eyes. "Kiss me, you fucking bastard."_

_Even as his lips formed those words, my chest tightened. I wanted to do it but I knew he was drunk, he had to be. Gokudera wouldn't actually do this if he were sober. He still wouldn't consider us friends, how could I ever expect for him to call us lovers?_

_"Haha, Gokudera, you must be drunk. I'm Yamamoto, right? A __**guy**__ that you don't even like?"_

_Gokudera's lips twitched and he glared at me. "I know who the fuck you are and no, I'm not drunk. And I don't have to like you for this. Just do as I say."_

_"Ma ma, still as bossy as ever Gokudera! I don't think we should do this... I __**am**__ drunk, so..."_

_"Listen, you fucking baseball idiot. I'm going to kiss you again and you're going to fucking like it. You got it?"_

_I already knew that I was going to like it. It was Gokudera, the man that I've liked since high school and the man that I've wanted ever since I noticed him in that amazing vermilion dress shirt, standing out like a single rose in a field full of thorns._

_I opened my mouth to reluctantly refuse him again but he was back on me and his tongue was down my throat. For a second I lost all sense and my arms came up to wrap around him, pressing him in closer to my chest._

_I could taste the nicotine and whiskey on his tongue but it was amazing because underneath all that there was something else, something else I couldn't describe. I didn't want to break from this kiss, I couldn't. He kissed like a fiend, it was rough and desperate and so addicting. My tongue couldn't stay away from his, my hands couldn't stay out of his hair._

_He bit my lip and I unintentionally moaned into his mouth. I could feel my cheeks burn from the embarrassment of making that sound but it only seemed to edge him on and he ground down on me, pressing hard enough for me to feel how stiff he was, and hard enough to feel my reaction to him as well. The movement made me gasp, made me lean back against the sofa behind me, bringing him with me and made me thrust my hips up into his grinds._

_Shit, I like this. I like this too much. The fluttering I feel in my stomach, the pounding of my heart and blood rushing to my head and the heat I feel is so overwhelming. The way he tugged on my hair, his fingernails grazing my scalp sent tingles down my spine and oh god, he's taking my shirt off._

_I want to protest, I don't know anything about doing this kind of stuff with a guy, I don't know if I can go through with it. I want to panic and make sure he's okay with what's going on but he can't keep his lips off mine long enough for me to get a word in. I can't keep my tongue out of his mouth long enough to catch a breath._

_He attacks my neck after that, sharp teeth sinking into my skin and a hot tongue that follows the bite and I swear to the gods that I'm going to come, right here just like this. I can't take it, my head is spinning and my heart is going crazy._

_"Gokudera... " I call out his name on a shaky breath because I want to tell him to stop before this goes too far and he does something that he'll __**really **__regret. Something that will make him hate me and I can't take advantage of his loneliness like this. No matter how much __**I**__ want it, I know he's only doing this because he's drunk and needs someone. Anyone might have done, even Chrome or Haru, maybe even Senpai, but I just happened to be the one that was with him when he made this stupid decision._

_Except the breath sounds more like a moan and he's got his hands moving over my chest and his thumbs are sliding over my nipples. I gasp out again and I hate my body so much for betraying me right now because I can't stop._

_My hands find the opening of his shirt and I'm not even_ _sure_ _what I'm doing anymore but I tear it off him and I can't keep my hands from touching him, touching the sharp planes __of his chest and stomach._

_I want to stop, I want to stop him from making a big mistake. But I'm so drunk and to make matters worse, Gokudera's teeth keep pinching my skin and it's making me lose all reason. I don't even think I have control over my body anymore, it's moving on it's own._

_My fingers are in his hair again, pulling his head out of the crook of my shoulder so I can kiss him again and my heart stops, mid-beat._

_His cheeks are flushed bright pink, his lips are plump and red, like the colour of his shirt. __He's breathing heavily and his eyes are half closed, like he's in a lustful daze. There is nothing in this world that will ever make me forget the way he looks right now. And there's nothing in this world that can make me stop what I'm about to do next._

_I smash his lips on mine and I reach for his belt buckle, wrestle with the millions of latches and god dammit, why does he have to wear such complicated belts! _

_His hands fly down to help me and I realize either he's way more drunker than he looks or he's just as eager as I am. Either way I'm not complaining and the two of us manage to get his belts off._

_He turns his attention to mine, and being me it isn't that complicated. My belt is off, pants undone in no time. And it's in a split second that Gokudera's hand slips inside my boxers, grabbing at me and stroking._

_I can feel my face get hot. He's so aggressive, it leaves me to wonder if he's ever done this before. But I quickly push that thought out of my mind. I don't want to think about Gokudera being with another man__._

_"Do you like this, Yamamoto?" he asks, his voice is so sultry and seductive. It makes me tingle all over._

_I can't answer him, I'm drunk but I'm so embarrassed. I have no idea what to do here but I don't want to stop and I don't want to say the wrong thing either. So I just bite me lip to prevent me from blurting out something stupid as my face and ears burn._

_Gokudera's eyes are on me and he __**smirks**__, I've never seen that one before. It's really sexy. "Heh, you look rather adorable right now, Yamamoto. I've never seen you blush like a little school girl."_

_I do nothing but continue to bite my lip because I want to moan and tell him how good his hand feels on my flesh. But I'm scared if I talk he'll realize what he's doing and it'll be over before it even begins._

_"Stand up," he demands and I do. He drags my boxers and my pants down my legs to my knees and looks up at me, licking his lips. He's not... He can't be. This isn't something Gokudera would do. _

_He's about to fit his mouth over my cock and I grab his chin before he does._

_"Go-Gokudera, wait," I pant. "This... is this something -"_

_He takes my thumb into his mouth and sucks on it, nipping at the tip. It feels... surprisingly erotic._

_"Shut up," he says and takes me into his mouth. I don't move my hand and getting lost in the moment, I tighten my grip and I don't even realize I'm thrusting into his hot mouth as his tongue works it's way around my shaft._

_Gokudera is amazing. He can do things with his tongue I knew nothing about and I can't stop the sounds coming out of my mouth now as I slip in and out, my hand holding his chin steady. He doesn't move, he lets me set the pace and let's his tongue do the work. He watches me and the look on his face has me teetering on the edge._

_I think he knows this because he stops and pulls me. back down into a sitting position._

_"Idiot," he huffs endearingly__._

_And for some reason that brings some clarity back to my inebriated haze and I still, looking at him while he looks so breathtakingly erotic. "Go... Gokudera, are... you sure you want to do this?"_

_Gokudera glared at me and then grabbed a fistful of my hair, pulling it hard. He tugged my head back and licked up my throat. "Yes, you bastard. Don't ask any dumb fucking questions. I _**_need _**_this, I can't feel anything," he whispers desperately in my ear._

_"Gokudera..."_

_He grinds down on me, nips at my earlobe. "Make me feel something... _**_Takeshi_**_."_

"Takeshi."

Yamamoto turns to see a familiar silhouette in the dimly lit corridor leaning against the door frame to his bedroom. The sound of his given name rolling off the tongue of this one person sounds so nostalgic but at the same time it makes his stomach churn and his heart clench.

"Gokudera... what are you doing here?" he asks stoically. "And did you just call me Takeshi?"

"I called you about a dozen other names before that but you didn't hear me. Perhaps it's just as so, they weren't very nice names," Gokudera remarks rather nonchalantly.

"Well you've got my attention. What do you want?"

Gokudera lifts the cigarette to his lips and takes a long drag, the embers on his cigarette glow, illuminating his face. He's as beautiful as ever, even after all these years. Even after all he's been through.

"So it's true then, you're leaving."

He doesn't ask it like a question but rather a statement. Yamamoto hadn't told him because... well, why should he have? It isn't like he cares.

"Yeah. In the morning. Is there something you want?" he asks again tiredly turning from the man that makes him feel marvelous and low all at the same time.

"I came to see if the rumors were true. You hadn't said anything about leaving before."

Yamamoto shrugged, his back turned to Gokudera as he continued to pack away his belongings in the suitcase he had on the edge of his bed.

"I didn't think it mattered," he muttered. He heard Gokudera take another drag of his cigarette. He's still jealous of that cigarette and the freedom it has to touch him.

"Well, it doesn't really. To me anyways. But it matters to the family."

There isn't any ice to his tone, but the words still send a chill up Yamamoto's spine. Gokudera is nothing but cold these days and Yamamoto can't really blame him but it doesn't change the fact that he's had more than enough time to adjust. It's been over a year since Tsuna died.

Yamamoto scoffs. He doesn't mean to, but he can't help the arrogance that Gokudera brings out in him. "What family? There's no one left. Chrome left with Mukuro, Hibari's gone back to Japan, Lambo's joined the Bovino and Ryohei's moved on with Hana. There's no one left here, Gokudera. No one but you and me."

There's a long pause and it hurts, the silence is deafening. Yamamoto continues to pack until Gokudera lets out his signature tick.

"Che. Everyone else has deserted this family. I didn't think you'd be one of them. Don't you care about what the Tenth tried to build here?"

Yamamoto spins around, anger now squeezing his already tender heart. "Don't you dare try to guilt me like that, Gokudera. I tried to be here for the family, tried to be here for _you_ but all you did was push me away. There's nothing left here for me and you know it. I can't put my life on hold to rot here like you've chosen to." The words are thick coming out if his mouth. He doesn't want to say these things but since that night his heart has been ripped out and stomped on, blown to smithereens by this selfish man.

He can see the anger pass through Gokudera's face and that's good. He's glad to see some other emotion than the usual apathy. But it's gone as quick as it came and he's back to looking tight lipped and indifferent.

"Fine. You can go be a pussy like the rest of them. I'll handle things here myself. I never needed any of you anyways."

Yamamoto recalled the night they spent together, the first and only time they shared something amazing. The one and only night Yamamoto has felt such unbridled love and passion and such shame and sorrow all at the same time.

"Right... Like you didn't need me back then," he says snidely. He knows that it's a bold thing to say because what Gokudera can come back with will most definitely hurt him more than he anticipates.

Gokudera drops the cigarette to the carpeted floor and steps on it. He moves into the room and Yamamoto can finally get a good look at him and when he does, he's sent reeling because the memories start to come flooding back, despite his desperate attempts to suppress them.

He's wearing the exact same shirt, the dark red dress shirt that contrasts his ivory skin and it's buttoned casually down to the middle of his chest. His silver hair falls in loose locks over his shoulders and frame his sharp featured face. His green eyes are the only thing that sparkle, they catch the lamplight and glow like a feline's.

"I was drunk and we did something stupid. When are you going to stop being an idiot and get over that? It's disgusting how you've let that affect your performance as a hitman." This time his tone is rich with distaste and it hurts Yamamoto.

"You know what, Gokudera? If you're come here to put me down, you can just go. I don't want to be your punching bag anymore. I've tried everything I could to help you, but... Never mind. I don't want to argue. I have an early flight and I need to get some sleep. Good night, Gokudera."

Gokudera stood and bit his lip. It frustrated Yamamoto that no matter what, he couldn't get a reaction out of him. Nothing at all anymore. Yamamoto's pretty sure that as Gokudera thrashed underneath him, calling out his name and moaning like there was no one around to hear, that would be the last time he'd ever see Gokudera so alive. The firecracker's fuse went out when he climaxed and it would never be lit again, no matter how hard Yamamoto tried.

"Where are you going?"

Yamamoto sighed. Why did Gokudera feel like he needed to torture him? "Japan. I think. I don't know. I... I just can't be _here _anymore. Now please... just go." He turned his back to him once more and put the last of his clothing in the suitcase. He stopped when he came across a few keepsakes he's had since they were teenagers.

He ran his fingers over them, a few photographs and other things that belonged to himself and Tsuna and Gokudera. He felt a pang, hard in his chest that nearly made him choke. No matter how much time has passed, he'll never stop missing Tsuna. And he knows now, no matter how much time will pass from here on out that he'll never stop missing Gokudera either. That night is etched into his memory just like his name is on several of his baseball plaques.

When he turned, Gokudera was watching him and Yamamoto couldn't read what emotion clouded his face this time but between saying goodbye and letting go of everything he's known for the better half of his life, he couldn't take anymore of any of this. One last time, he just has to try.

He opens his mouth to speak but he's afraid of having what's left of his heart be crushed right here in this room where he and Gokudera made that connection, even if it was one sided. He couldn't taint it that way, he wanted to hold onto that final shred of whatever it was.

But just as quickly as he closed it, he opened it and the words flew out.

"You were the answer to my dreams, I wanna tell you something. Dressed in the stunning red, your head upon my chest... the pain inside means nothing. You were the answer that I had but..."

Gokudera cocked his head to the side. Yamamoto can see the pink hue start to spread through his cheeks. "Idiot... what are you saying?"

Whatever Yamamoto is saying, seems to have some affect and he doesn't fall silent.

"Take a stop right in front of me. Listen now, I'm coming clean. There's something I think you should know."

Gokudera laughed uncomfortably. "You're spouting foolishness. Stop it."

Yamamoto inched closer, he dared to. He looked Gokudera straight on, staring right into his fire-lit emerald eyes. "You're all I want to see before I go."

Gokudera's eyes went wide, pupils blown and he struggled to form any words. Finally he managed, "Wh-why?"

No matter how many times Yamamoto has tried to tell him that he loves him, that the night they spent together wasn't a mistake for him, Gokudera has never let him finish. He's never let him say what he wanted to say.

Yamamoto sighs with a heavy heart and reaches in to cup Gokudera's cheek. He swipes his thumb across his lips and frowns. "Because... because loving you is so... _hard_. And I can't keep up with this anymore. Maybe it'll never be more than what it was to you, but to me... To me it meant something because I... I love you, Gokudera."

Gokudera's eyes were as wide as saucers. "Bastard," he growls. "Don't throw words around like that so easily. You can't possibly love me. You're a man, I'm a man. You're just confused." But he doesn't move away from Yamamoto's hand.

"Why don't you say what you really want to say, Gokudera? You can't tell me you feel nothing."

Gokudera just stares at Yamamoto, silently fuming and Yamamoto knows him well enough to know that he's mulling over those words in his head. He's thinking of a calculated way out of this, out of speaking the truth.

"Say something, Hayato," whispers Yamamoto.

"I... I can't. I... don't know what I feel."

Yamamoto almost smiles, it's just like Gokudera to say something like that. He doesn't even pick up on the use of his first name, which under any other given circumstance, Yamamoto would have received a haughty reprimand and possibly a stick of dynamite thrown in his direction.

"Just say something," Yamamoto says, a spark of hope igniting within the pit of his stomach. "_Anything._"

"That time... you were the answer to _my_ dreams... I want to tell you something. Betrayed by the words I said, my head upon your chest... I... " Gokudera trails off, leaning into Yamamoto's hand, eyes half closed. "The pain inside meant nothing..."

Yamamoto feels a warmth that floods through his chest and he's not sure what this means, what Gokudera means, but this is the first bit of real honesty since that night over a year ago. No more running, no more avoiding the issue.

"Say it," Yamamoto says softly, curling his fingers into Gokudera's hair at the base of his neck.

He looks up at Yamamoto with conviction and maybe it's a trick of the light but Yamamoto can see tears welling in his eyes. "Listen now, I'm coming clean. There's so many things I think you should know. You're... you're all I want to see before you go."

And Yamamoto chokes on the breath that's hitched in his throat. His knees become weak and he falters just slightly with the magnitude of Gokudera's words. He'll never again get this kind of confession out of Gokudera.

"Take off your shirt and lay down," Gokudera says, leaning in to brush his lips against Yamamoto's. "Right next to the pile of things we loved when we were younger."

All Yamamoto can do is comply. He starts to unbutton his shirt and captures Gokudera's lips with his own. He doesn't rush because if this is going to be the last time he wants to make it last for as long as he can. This is them, sober and consensual. Something this right couldn't be wrong, something like this couldn't be a mistake. Not this time.

Gokudera slips his hands beneath Yamamoto's shirt, brushing the fabric off his shoulders. It falls to the ground and Gokudera forces him backwards until the edge of the bed catches the back of Yamamoto's knees and he falls onto the bed. Gokudera braces himself above him and pushes the items on Yamamoto's bed unceremoniously to the floor.

Yamamoto works the buttons on Gokudera's shirt nimbly and Gokudera doesn't stop the pace of their heated kiss. To Yamamoto it feels like he's trying to say everything he can't through his mouth, because his lips and tongue are desperate and longing, the kiss feels exactly the way Yamamoto does.

Before he knows it, Gokudera has his pants off and Yamamoto's is being shed too, and Yamamoto can't keep up with anything because his head his spinning. He doesn't know if it's from the lack of oxygen or whatever, all he knows is that he's dizzy and he definitely feels drunk. Love drunk.

Gokudera's got his hand wrapped around Yamamoto's cock and oh god, all he can think about is how good the warmth of his hand is but how cool his rings feel against his heated flesh. Gokudera's taken all the control, just like he did the last time. Yamamoto can't do anything but gasp and moan and buck into Gokudera's inviting hand.

Yamamoto reaches down and wraps his hand around Gokudera's on his own cock and stretches his fingers to curl around Gokudera's own straining erection.

"Fuck," Gokudera gasps. It's raspy and laden with lust and it turns Yamamoto on, so much it nearly sends him over the edge.

They're both naked now, somehow Yamamoto doesn't even know when that happened. From the moment Gokudera told him to take his shirt off, everything has been one huge blur.

"Oh Gokudera... I want you... so bad," Yamamoto pleads breathlessly. He knows he's not going to be able to hold out much longer.

Gokudera hisses and he bites down on Yamamoto's neck. "Fuck me, then. Fuck me, Takeshi."

Yamamoto can't begin to describe the heat that pools in his belly, the way his name sounds when said in Gokudera's husky and gravelly voice. He's still new at all of this, his first and only time was with Gokudera but he remembers from the last time exactly what to do. Except, he's going to make this night just as memorable for Gokudera and instead of Gokudera taking the lead, it's his turn.

He takes his hand off their dicks to slide two fingers into Gokudera's mouth and surprisingly, Gokudera coats them well, he even swirls his tongue around them and nips at Yamamoto's fingertips. The sensation causes a ripple effect that starts at the nape of his neck straight down the the base of his spine where it stretches out in waves along his lower back. He watches with bated breath as Gokudera stares at him while he sucks on Yamamoto's fingers like he sucked on his cock that night. Yamamoto has to rip his fingers out of Gokudera's mouth before he loses his shit and he runs them down the crease of his ass, leaving a cool and damp trail on Gokudera's skin.

He teases the ringed muscle, rubbing over it gently and feeling it twitch needily. Gokudera keeps pumping both of their cocks vigorously, pushing his ass down on Yamamoto's finger when he's not thusting and grinding. "Come on, you bastard."

Yamamoto knows he means it to sound angry but it comes out whistful and breathless. He slips his index finger in, slow and Gokudera hisses with the intrusion, but he's not going to let Yamamoto know that it hurts. Gokudera has too much pride for that. So he takes his time, fanning his tongue across those plush pink lips that are now as red as berries and taste just as sweet, to distract him. He pulls out his index finger and lines it up with his middle and inserts them slowly into the heated space. Gokudera's hand flies off their cocks and into the bed sheets, fisting them white knuckled and bloodless. He lets out a cry that sounds more like a whimper and Yamamoto can't help but think how adorable he sounds.

He probes for a while, stroking the velvet soft walls and working at stretching him out. There are no condoms or lube in his room and the last time, Gokudera had come prepared. He didn't think Gokudera had come to his room tonight with the expectation of it ending up like this.

"Fuck Takeshi, hurry up!" Gokudera cries just as Yamamoto pushes his fingers up to their second knuckles.

Yamamoto removes his fingers after a few hard strokes and spits into his hand, using that as a lubricant to coat Gokudera's entrance. He feels Gokudera shudder and he lines himself up on Yamamoto's cock, using his knees to give him leverage.

Yamamoto feels the tip of his erection hit, the resistance making it painful for both of them. Gokudera draws in a deep breath, places his palms on Yamamoto's chest and uses them to brace himself as he eases down, hissing as he goes. Yamamoto thumbs the slit of his cock, trying his best to distract him, give Gokudera more pleasure than pain. He uses his other hand to grip Gokudera's hip, keeping him steady as he pushes him down further onto his dick.

Gokudera is hot inside, Yamamoto feels the quick change in temperature as Gokudera inches himself further down on his shaft. He lets out a noise between a cry and a mewl as he takes in more of Yamamoto's thickness.

"So tight," Yamamoto groans, jerking Gokudera a little faster.

Finally Gokudera seats him, his tightness sucking Yamamoto in and enveloping him in heat. He waits for Gokudera but he doesn't waste any time, using his palms to push off Yamamoto's chest and rolls his hips down into a grind. He hisses at the initial motion but Yamamoto lifts his hips and meets him half way and Gokudera relaxes a little, making it easier for Yamamoto to move.

Gokudera leans in as Yamamoto takes hold of his hips and raises Gokudera's pelvis up, moving his own. Gokudera groans, biting down on Yamamoto's shoulder and he gives up the control, letting Yamamoto thrust up into him as he backs in to each one.

"Jesus fuck," he mutters, wet against Yamamoto's neck.

"Does it feel good?" asks Yamamoto, moving as slow as he possibly can.

"Yeah," Gokudera whispers with a lick to the shell of Yamamoto's ear. "Feels real good."

Yamamoto holds on to Gokudera's hips as Gokudera holds tightly onto him and cries out when Yamamoto's lips aren't there to stop him. Yamamoto doesn't hold back, the pace may be slow but his thrusts are hard and he knows he has the right spot when even his kisses can't stop Gokudera from sputtering curses in Italian.

Yamamoto grunts as he shifts up into Gokudera and Gokudera cries out, "_Tak-eshi"_, the last part hitching in his throat

Yamamoto finds he's telling him how good and hot and tight he feels and how much he's wanted him, even after all this time.

He could feel the pleasure mount, it was incredible. He watches as Gokudera lets loose, sitting upright to ride him and he looks stunning. His alabaster skin is such a gorgeous shade of vermillion and the moonlight that streamed in through the window hits Gokudera's hair making it sparkle like crushed diamonds. He bares his throat to the ceiling and moans to the gods. Yamamoto loves to see Gokudera so free like this, so full of passion. It reassures him that Gokudera isn't dead inside, that some part of him is able to still feel and that he wasn't the one who had taken it away from him in the first place, like he's been believing all this time. Instead, _he_ is the one that makes Gokudera like this. _He_ is the one that lights that smoldering fire within Gokudera.

Gokudera leans in once more, smashing his lips sloppily on Yamamoto's. He feels Gokudera tense up while he's grasping the bed sheets behind his head and he feels Gokudera squeeze his cock as he comes hard, calling out an empty "_Bastardo!__" _in the crook of his neck. 

With Gokudera's ass sucking him in and clenching down tight around him, he comes too just as Gokudera's warm release mottles his chest and chin. Gokudera rides him through his climax, backing into his cock and milking him through, whispering lustful obcenities in his ear.

Yamamoto's grip on Gokudera's hips loosen and he happens to look down, noticing that he's left bruises in Gokudera's pale flesh. He kind of likes the idea that now at least Gokudera will have the memory of tonight even if he tries to forget about it, even when Yamamoto is long gone.

Gokudera stretches out on top of him, curling his arms around Yamamoto's head and sighs contently. It makes Yamamoto's chest swell with pride an something else he can't describe. He's excited that Gokudera hasn't rushed away or passed out, that he seems to be satisfied if anything.

"Yamamoto..."

Even if Yamamoto wants to believe that there's something between them, he has to stop being naive and just let it go for what it is. Gokudera is amazing, explosive in every way, but he's not a man so easily tamed. He isn't meant to be. He's far better off being free without inhibitions, without guilt or sorrow or love to confine him.

He suddenly realizes too that Gokudera's been calling him by his name this entire time and now he's reverted back to addressing him in a business like manner. Maybe it's nothing but Yamamoto knows Gokudera. He's about to run away and at least some part of him cares about Yamamoto, Yamamoto thinks he can live with that.

"It's okay, Gokudera... You don't have to explain. You can sleep here if you want but... I really need to catch that flight in the morning."

Gokudera seems to hold him tighter, moves his lips closer to his ear even. It's not Yamamoto's imagination when he feels Gokudera's hot breath tickle the hairs on the back of his neck.

"Let's get the fuck out of this town and pass around a bottle in remembrance of our hearts."

"Gokudera?"

"I hate this place."

"Eh?"

Gokudera held his arms tighter, and Yamamoto feels like he's holding on for dear life. Holding on so tightly because he was afraid to lose anyone else.

"At first... I wanted to stay here, make sure the Tenth's legacy lived on and now that it's been done... there's nothing here but hurtful memories, Yamamoto. Everything here hurts."

Yamamoto's heart wrenches and his chest aches. "Gokudera..." He presses a long and loving kiss to the side of his head and runs his hand over Gokudera's matted hair.

"Come with me," he whispers and he prays that Gokudera says yes. Because he doesn't want to stay here for that same reason and now that he knows how much pain is in Gokudera's heart, he can't possibly leave him here like this.

Gokudera is silent and Yamamoto can feel the fast and hard pounding of Gokudera's heart vibrating through his chest.

"I'll make work, I promise. _We'll _make it work. You could do whatever you wanted, maybe take up the piano again and I could play baseball and we'd be happy, I swear. Gokudera... let me make you happy again."

"I am... I am happy. Right now, here with you," Gokudera says slowly.

Yamamoto kisses him again and reaches for the blankets. Whatever the decision, they could sort it out in the morning but Yamamoto knows that he will stay with Gokudera as long as Gokudera could remain happy. As long as he was the one that could make him happy.

Gokudera moves off him, laying next to him in his oversized bed. He's so calm and Yamamoto can't tell what he's thinking, but that's alright. He feels like he's gotten enough out of Gokudera that he doesn't need an answer right now. He knows he makes Gokudera happy, he knows that Gokudera feels _something _still and what's even better is that he feels _something _for Yamamoto.

Gokudera looks over at Yamamoto with eyes half closed and he smiles. Yamamoto doesn't think he's ever seen Gokudera smile like this... not since Tsuna had left them. It makes him want to cry because everything is so bittersweet because without Tsuna, Yamamoto would have never met Gokudera. Without Tsuna, he would never have gotten to work with Gokudera. Without Tsuna, he would never had gotten as close as he had over the past eleven years with Gokudera but... without Tsuna, he has to wonder had he still been here with them, would things have worked out in the way that they had?

It didn't matter now, he had Tsuna to thank for it all and he wishes he was here so that he could.

Yamamoto kisses Gokudera's forehead and just as he thinks Gokudera has fallen asleep, he sighs. It sounds almost endearingly annoying, like the kinds of sighs he got out of Gokudera whenever he did something stupid or messed up. Yamamoto smiles and Gokudera finally speaks.

"Che. It can't be helped. I'll follow you wherever you go, baseball freak."


	2. T2 - The Moment

**Listen to the Stereo Tonight**

**[Pairing] **Yamamoto x Gokudera [8059]

**[Rating] **T and up

**[Warnings] **Mild angst

**[Summary] **Yamamoto and Gokudera have both had enough of being each other's second best and Yamamoto is especially sick of Gokudera's reckless and unreasonable behaviour.

x

* * *

**Track 02 : The Moment - Safetysuit  
**

* * *

Yamamoto is livid. He's never felt so angry in his life. Out of all the stupid fights he and Gokudera have had, this one has pissed him off most.

Gokudera is reckless. He has little regard for himself and his life. He doesn't eat if Yamamoto isn't the one bringing him food almost every night, he smokes too much and when he's in a fight, he doesn't care if the opponent is bigger and better. It's like he's got something to constantly prove and it makes Yamamoto really dislike him.

Because Yamamoto actually loves Gokudera, he has since they were fifteen. He hates that he loves someone so much and not only does that someone not return the love he gives him, but he loves himself even less.

Gokudera stands in front of him, his nose turned up in the air and cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He's so nonchalant and the fact that Yamamoto is actually serious for once and he's giving him that sort of reaction, it kind of makes Yamamoto want to smack that smug look right off his face.

"So," Gokudera says, eyes closed and nose still upturned. "I don't care if you want to look into my eyes and say hello... you were blind to me and now I'm blind to you."

This is what makes Yamamoto angry the most. Gokudera never says exactly what's in his heart. The things he says are. confusing and Yamamoto doesn't understand what they mean. He's just told Gokudera that if they can't work it out they'll have to split. Gokudera didn't shot any reaction at all, he just nodded. And when Yamamoto had suggested they still be friends, he had laughed and said they weren't friends to begin with. Yamamoto knows all this, its always the same things with Gokudera. He can handle these things Gokudera says, but he wanted to see a better reaction than the one he got. He wanted Gokudera to say that he wanted to be with him. So he took it back and told Gokudera that he wanted to stay together, but Gokudera had refused. U

Yamamoto reaches out to grab him by the shoulders but he withdraws quickly. He's afraid if he actually lays his hands on Gokudera, he might hurt him and he doesn't want to do that. "Go-Gokudera! Will you just listen to me for once? I _am _your boyfriend, don't I deserve that much?"

Gokudera opens his eyes and his steely green eyes shift to the corner to give Yamamoto a glare he's never seen before. "You aren't my boyfriend and I don't owe you anything. I think I've just about had it with this sticky sort of relationship. You're rather clingy and annoying and I really don't enjoy it."

That hurt. The words cut through Yamamoto's chest and pierced his heart. Gokudera's tongue has always been sharp but now it rivaled the blade of Shigure Kintoki. Yamamoto winced and clutched his chest.

This all started when Yamamoto reprimanded him for getting in the way of yet another fight, getting himself hurt and instead of protecting Tsuna, it only hurt him to see Gokudera get hurt because of him. He's so sick of the little regard Gokudera has for himself and everyone else that cares about him. He's so tired of loving someone who doesn't love him back. And even though Gokudera doesn't look at Tsuna in _that _way, he's sick of seeing Tsuna get the best of Gokudera. He wanted to talk it out, he wanted to. be mature and tell Gokudera his feelings so that maybe they could work it out. Except Gokudera is rock solid when it comes to things like that. He doesn't talk about feelings, he doesn't say _I love you_. He doesn't even let Yamamoto touch him outside in public. So he sort of expected this reaction but it still hurt.

"H-how can you say that, Gokudera? We've been together for two years, how can you tell me so easily that I mean nothing to you?"

Gokuder turns to him and pulls the cigarette out of his mouth. He shrugs. "Because it's the truth. I've had my fun and now I'm bored. We really should end this quickly. I've got somewhere I need to be with the Tenth in a few moments."

Yamamoto's hurt quickly bleeds into anger. "Well, I think you can take a damned moment to hear me out!" he shouts, grabbing onto Gokudera's arm.

Gokudera snatches his arm away. "Don't fucking touch me, you bastard! I've kept my cool with you until now but you're really pushing it!"

"From when I wake in the morning till I go and fall asleep each night, I fight to hold on to a love that is inside - "

Gokudera glares at him. "Yamamoto, that is enough. I don't want to hear you speak about love again."

Yamamoto feels so many emotions coursing through him, each one hurting more than the previous. He doesn't understand it. He thought they were happy. "Why, Gokudera? Why do you hate me so much? Why do you hate yourself so much? Is it so awful, the thought of being loved?"

Gokudera shifts uncomfortably on his feet. Yamamoto notices the sun catches his silver hair in just the right way, spreading a golden halo around his locks. Even if he doesn't want to believe it, Yamamoto wants to him to know that he really is like an angel. Even though everything Gokudera does is head on and brash, it's never without reason. He's always the first to protect someone, even if that means sacrificing his life.

"Yeah, it is. It's fucking disgusting to come from a man and even more disgusting coming from you and that pathetic face you're making. Quit it."

Yamamoto can feel the hot sting of tears in the wells of his eyes. His heart is clenching tight beneath his ribcage and he feels like he can't breathe. He can't tell if he wants to cry because he's hurt, because he's angry or because he's defeated. No matter what he says it will fall on Gokudera's deaf ears because in the end, there's only one person that has Gokudera's heart and that isn't him.

"Why... why, Gokudera?" is all he can muster. He's afraid to say too much because then he might not be able to stop the flow of tears. And that's not going to make Gokudera sympathize with him, it'll make him angry and he'll leave and Yamamoto will never get closure.

"Because my past is like a nightmare that I never can escape and I can't wait till I wake up so I can fall back asleep," Gokudera says with a sigh. It sounds almost dejected and Yamamoto isn't sure what he means by it. He doesn't know much about Gokudera's past, even now but he knows that Gokudera has never really known what love is. He wanted to be the one to show him but that was impossible, he sees that now. So he figures maybe it's because of Gokudera's past that he can't get close, that he's afraid of loving someone because in this work you lose them and for Gokudera that pain would be too unbearable for him to handle.

What was that saying? If a person doesn't love themselves, how can they possibly love you?

_Right,_ Yamamoto thinks with a dry laugh. _Wasn't that what Shamal had told me when I asked about Gokudera's behaviour? _

_But... he loves Tsuna, doesn't he? Why then... Why am I so different?_

"I don't get it," Yamamoto says angrily. "How was I blind when it came to you? You're all I ever see, Gokudera."

This time it's Gokudera's turn to get angry and at least he's reacting. Yamamoto is somewhat pleased, even if the reaction isn't the one he desires.

"I'm not going to fucking spell it out for you, you fucking idiot! How... How many times have I caught you with your tail wagging behind you while you chase after that shark? How many times do I need to watch yet another girl get rejected by you for you to have that exact same pitiful look on your face as you do now? Do you think that I need you? That I need your pity? I'm sick of playing second best -"

"Second best?" Yamamoto roars. He begins to draw the attention of the people in the park they stand in. He figured that a public place would be best to have this conversation with Gokudera because he'd have to remain civilized but it turns out that he's the one losing his cool. "You want to talk to me about second best? I have _always _been second best - no, maybe third or fourth or fifth to Tsuna! Who knows what I am in comparison to that, but if anyone should be sick of it, it should be me!"

Gokudera grabs on to Yamamoto's arm and forcefully drags him to the shady refuge of a sakura tree. "Shut your damned mouth, you bastard. You're making a scene," he hisses.

"I don't care!" Yamamoto says as he rips his arm out of Gokudera's firm grip. "If anyone's been blind, it's you, Gokudera. You have no idea how I feel. You are forever chasing Tsuna and if it's not him, it's Shamal!"

Gokudera drops his cigarette to the ground and steps on it. "Shamal is like family, you're so stupid to get jealous of that. My life is devoted to the Tenth. He is my reason for living. This has been clear to you from day one and now you're acting like a spoiled brat, demanding I give myself to you! I don't want to be tied down, I'm a loose mother fucking canon and I don't need your domestic kind of attitude to try and tame me! Lay off already! We are breaking up. I'm ending this now before it gets even more ridiculous. Before _you _get even more ridiculous."

Oh yes. Every last one of those words sank in deep. They permeated his bones and despite the warm sun, gave him a cold tremor that snaked through his entire body. Yamamoto felt as if Gokudera had taken every last shred of anything he had within him and left him to rot there like an empty shell. it angered him, how dare Gokudera look at him with such disdain and say such hurtful things when Yamamoto can remember every last happy memory so clearly? Did he not share the same memories? Did he not laugh with Yamamoto? Did he not spend nights curled up against him like it was the safest place to be in his world? Did he not allow Yamamoto to touch him in a way that he's never let anyone else touch him?

Yamamoto is hurt but his pain is a double edged blade. If Gokudera could impale him with those jagged words then he could do the same. He could take that blade and shove it in deeper, twist it and thrust it up into his gut and hit him where it would hurt the most. He narrows his eyes and for the first time since this argument began, he let his rage take over.

"I don't understand what happened between you and me but, you will probably end up with someone as half as good as me so... go ahead, turn your back on me. In the end, you'll end up alone and afraid and with no one left to love. You'll end up dying before your time and when that happens, you'll have no one. You keep pushing everyone away and one day, there won't be anyone close enough to be within your reach." His words were venomous and they felt that way on his tongue. Even as he said them he had regretted them but it was too late to take them back. He has had enough of being Gokudera's punching bag.

For a second, Yamamoto thinks he sees hurt flash in those vibrant green eyes of his and he thinks maybe, just maybe, he's gotten through to him. But then it's gone and so is the hope. Who was he kidding? Gokudera was never the type to cave in. He fought fire with fire. That was why he was the Storm.

Gokudera snorts. "That's rich coming from you, baseball idiot. You should already know I don't depend on anyone. Ah, but it can't be helped. You've said your piece and I've said mine. Good riddance to you."

Yamamoto recoiled at the acidic words and watched as Gokudera turned on his heel, waving his hand off the side of his head in a haphazard salute. Then he shoved his hands deep into his pockets and walked away, leaving Yamamoto standing alone.

So now he waits for a moment when he knows that there's no one left to see all the hurt that's inside him. As he watches Gokudera's frame disappear into the crowd he realizes he needs to let go of all the things that he sees that always let him fall. It feels like a heavy weight is compressing his chest, crushing it along with his lungs and his heart and he's desperate for a breath but he can't seem to catch one.

He hears the vague sound of tires screeching and people screaming and shouting. He's barely aware of the patrons in the park rushing into a panicked crowd. But he thinks there's too much noise here and he'd rather just go home and be alone where he could properly mourn his relationship with the only person he's ever loved.

He heads aimlessly into the crowd of people that seem to be blocking off the road he needs to cross to get to his street and he can hear fragments of conversation bounce through the crowd.

"Did you see that?!"

"He just came out of nowhere!"

"Is he dead?"

"Someone call an ambulance!"

"Oi, why wasn't he paying attention to the road?!"

"Oh my goodness, there's so much blood!"

Yamamoto's mind is elsewhere and he doesn't pay any heed to the people that all seem so shocked and appalled by a scene in front of them. He finally makes it through the sea of people when he sees the car stopped in the middle of the road.

He halts to absorb his surroundings. His eyes fall onto the 1985 black Cadillac Eldorado that has a large dent in it's bumper and grill and they slide up from there to the smashed tempered glass of the windshield that is smeared with blood.

His eyes go wide as he realizes he's just walked onto the scene of a car accident and he, like any other onlooker, searches the ground for the victim. His eyes do a quick sweep and he can't see that clearly because of the smoke coming from the hood of the car when he catches a glint of something silver. He squints, thinking it's a piece of the wreckage when it hits him. It hits him so hard that it kicks the air out of his lungs and knocks him to his knees.

That isn't just any silver piece of metal. Yamamoto would recognize that shade of silver anywhere at any given time. Because it's not solid and made out of steel. It's soft and lustrous and it falls around Gokudera's pale face like beautiful fine silk.

The smoke begins to clear now that he's closer to the ground and he can see everything. So much of everything that it's too much for him to take in all at once and he squeezes his eyes shut hoping to forget, hoping that he's having some sort of nightmare and when he wakes up, that tuft of silver will be under his nose, tickling his lips and chin. But when he opens them, the grisly image before him doesn't disappear like a bad mirage, it's still there as macabre as the first time he allowed it to soak in and he chokes on a strangled sob. He tries to stand so that he can make it over to Gokudera's limp body lying in the middle of the road. He needs to make sure that Gokudera's still alive, he needs to make sure that Gokudera is okay and that he knows Yamamoto is there with him. He needs to reassure Gokudera everything is going to be alright.

But when he stands, his legs are like jelly and he can't muster the strength to remain steady. He falters and the pavement below him tilts as the world around him spins and before he knows it, he's on the ground again and this time he isn't standing back up.

* * *

_In the end, you'll end up alone and afraid and with no one left to love. You'll end up dying before your time and when that happens, you'll have no one. You keep pushing everyone away and one day, there won't be anyone close enough to be within your reach." _

As Yamamoto opens his eyes he can hear his words resounding through his ears like the vibrations off a bell. They ring relentlessly, repeating the same sentence over and over again.

_"You'll end up dying before your time and when that happens, you'll have no one..."_

Yamamoto shoots upwards, screaming out Gokudera's name. His vision blurrs and nausea sweeps over him. He reluctantly remains still with his eyes closed until the moment passes but then there's a loud crashing noise and his eyes fly open wide.

"Ya-Yamamoto!" Tsuna cries, falling in through a door.

Yamamoto blinks and looks around. He's in a hospital room, in a hospital bed, attached to an intravenous drip and a monitor. Everything comes smashing down on him at once with excessive force, crushing his chest and seizing his lungs.

"Go-Gokudera!" he manages between gasps.

Tsuna's eyes begin to water and his lips tremble. "Go... Gokudera-kun..."

Yamamoto waits, he waits in silence while Tsuna stutters and fails to form any words. His impatience gets the best of him, however.

"Spit it out, Tsuna! Is Gokudera okay?!"

Judging by the look on Tsuna's face and the fact that he is unable to say anything, Yamamoto fears the worst. He feels the stream of tears that roll down his cheeks and his heart couldn't hurt anymore than it already did. He couldn't bear to hear the words as Tsuna sits on the edge of his bed and cries along with him.

Shamal steps in through the door shortly after and frowns. "You boys are acting as if Hayato is already dead. Get a hold of yourselves. You're on your way to being men and men don't cry like pansies."

Yamamoto looks up at Shamal and freezes. "Wh... What d-did you s-say?"

Shamal glares at him disapprovingly. "Don't be jumping to conclusions before you speak to a doctor, tch. Hayato's out of surgery now. The left side of his body was nearly crushed. Broken arm, broken leg and several broken and cracked ribs on either side. Minor interior bruising but luckily no internal bleeding. Man, that kid. He's resilient if anything," Shamal said with subtle awe.

"S-so G-Gokudera...k-kun is alive, t-then?" Tsuna asks through a succession of hiccups.

"I just said that, didn't I? He's in recovery right now. The police will be here shortly to take a statement. Apparently the driver was drunk at driving at the speed of one hundred and twenty miles an hour. Hayato is a very lucky brat."

Yamamoto sniffles, eyes set on the endearing smile that Shamal has plastered to his face. He can see the relief in his mirthful brown eyes as well and Yamamoto realizes that Gokudera would never die alone. Despite how angry he made everyone, they all loved him just as much. He had people that loved him deeply, including Yamamoto, so why couldn't he see that?

"When... when can I see him?" he asks the doctor.

"I'll let you know when he wakes up and he's lucid enough to have company. He'll be on heavy pain medication for a while."

Yamamoto frowns. "I don't care if he's lucid or not, I want to be by his side."

Shamal raises a brow in amusement. "Oh ho, aren't we demanding?"

"Shamal... please, let us see Gokudera-kun," Tsuna begs, wiping the tears of his cheeks.

The doctor rolls his eyes and sighs. "Well I suppose at the request of the tenth Vongola, I have no choice. I'd rather not have that petulant brat nag me because I refused the boss."

Tsuna and Yamamoto smile in unison.

"Thank you, Shamal," Tsuna said warmly.

"I'll come get you when he's out of recovery. And you... baseball brat... How are you feeling?"

Yamamoto looked down at himself and then over at Tsuna and the doctor. "I... I feel good. Good enough to be strong for Gokudera."

* * *

Yamamoto had to wait a full day before he was able to see Gokudera and when he finally did, he nearly ended back in the hospital bed. Luckily Tsuna was there to keep him from overreacting.

Gokudera slept through the next day and Yamamoto sat by his bedside, grimacing at the bandages and casting covering his body. He needed Gokudera to hurry and wake up so that he could tell him he was wrong. He was wrong about everything he said and he was so, so damned sorry to have every said something like that to him in the first place.

Regardless of the speeding drunk driver, who Yamamoto has vowed to kill should he ever get the chance to, Gokudera should have seen the car coming. Why was he so damned reckless, thinking he could just walk out into traffic like that? Why was he so arrogant that he thought he was invincible?

Yamamoto has come to the conclusion that while Gokudera is very, very intelligent when it comes to a lot of things, he's also really stupid. He has no idea how to see the bigger picture, he has no idea on how to open his heart and his eyes to get him out of that constant tunnel vision.

Currently he sat next to Gokudera's bedside listening to the steady beep of the machines he was hooked up to and he couldn't shake the guilt and the depression he felt. This was all his fault. If only he let Gokudera be free. If only he hadn't been so selfish and demand that Gokudera give him everything. He should have known better that Gokudera had stretched himself too thin and naturally, the relationship with the least amount of strength and the most amount of tension would snap first. He had been naive to think that what he and Gokudera shared were strong enough to withstand everything this world had to throw at them.

Yamamoto brings Gokudera's hand to his lips and kisses his bruised knuckles softly, each and every one of them while whispering every kind of apology he can think of. He feels the sudden twitch and brush of a finger against his lips and he opens his eyes to see hazy green ones staring back at him.

Yamamoto can feel the slow and somber smile that stretches across his face. "Gokudera..."

Gokudera blinks a few times, his eyes glassy and red. He's high on morphine, Shamal has told him. He said that Gokudera wouldn't be like his usual annoying self for a few days.

"Ya... Yamamoto?" His voice is raspy and it reminds Yamamoto of Gokudera's gravelly morning voice. It's smooth but it's just a little rough around the edges. It's just one more thing Yamamoto loves about Gokudera.

"Hey," Yamamoto says with a smile nostalgic, left over from his memory of them waking up together.

"I was... hit by... a car," Gokudera croaks. He still hasn't moved his finger from the corner of Yamamoto's mouth.

Yamamoto frowns. He doesn't want to remember that scene. He never wants to see Gokudera so bent and broken again and he never wants to be so pathetic and helpless.

"I know. I was there. Do you... remember what happened?"

Gokudera nods slightly. "I had a lot on my mind... wasn't paying attention to where... I was going and then everything... happened so fast."

Yamamoto feels his heart wrench and his stomach churn. "It was my fault, wasn't it?"

Gokudera looks at him and it's almost lovingly, but Yamamoto has to remember his mood is because of the drugs.

"It's because of... the guy who hit... me. Not you... idiot."

"Gokudera... Gokudera do you remember what we were talking about before it happened?" Yamamoto asks, holding Gokudera's hand tighter because he's afraid if he does remember, he'll pull it away and go back to being cold.

"Yeah... I remember." He doesn't move his hand away and he squeezes back.

Yamamoto doesn't understand it but he just has to remember that Gokudera really isn't himself. It's alright, he really doesn't mind this calm Gokudera.

"Gokudera... I'm really sorry. I didn't mean anything that I said to you. I mean, _any of it._"

Gokudera touches the base of Yamamoto's chin with his fingertips. "I know," he says quietly. "I know you didn't mean it. I know you were just angry. I... I was angry at myself and I... just couldn't tell you the things I wanted to so I felt... I felt that it was best we broke up. I keep... I keep hurting you."

Yamamoto's jaw slackens just slightly and he stares at Gokudera, bemused. Drug induced or not, this was the most honest thing regarding their relationship that has ever come out Gokudera's mouth. It makes Yamamoto so happy.

"It's okay, Gokudera. I just want to be with you. I'll deal with it, I'll wait for you. I... I honestly can't bear the thought of me being without you, being... alone." Yamamoto can feel the tears returning and he's so embarrassed. He doesn't want to cry in front of Gokudera because it'll make him angry and upset. Raw emotions like this always make Gokudera uncomfortable.

But then Gokudera does something that Yamamoto will never forget. He knows he'll never forget it in all his life.

Gokudera slips his hand free of Yamamoto's and swipes away the tears on his cheeks and when Yamamoto looks at him, he sees the corners of his lips twitch and curl into the slightest smile.

"You're really a... hopeless idiot, you know."

Yamamoto shakes his head dejectedly. "I know... All that fighting for nothing, right?"

Gokudera's eyes become serious and under the bandage, Yamamoto can see the creases in his brow as they work into a scowl.

"No, not for nothing. I... I figured it out. I figured it out when I was unconscious."

Yamamoto cocks his head to the side quizzically. "What? What did you figure out, Gokudera?"

Gokudera works his jaw, putting considerable thought into what he's about to say next. He looks over at Yamamoto and though his eyes are cloudy and glossy, they sparkle. Yamamoto has always loved Gokudera's eyes, they're so fitting for such a beautiful person, clear green like a tropical sea.

"That... that the last person I loved that much... died."

Yamamoto mulls the sentence over in his head. He picks up on the way Gokudera's phrased it by saying _the last person I loved_ _that much,_ which could only mean Gokudera was comparing that love to the love he felt... for him?

"Gokudera... are you talking about your mother?"

Gokudera's head rolls back on the pillow and he closes his eyes, nodding. "I saw her, you know. When I was unconscious, I saw her. She told me... she told me to stop being so afraid."

Yamamoto startles. "Afraid, you? What are you scared of?"

Gokudera still doesn't open his eyes. He swallows audibly and then chews on the bottom of his lip. "I... I'm... I don't want to be alone. If I love someone else and they die, then I'll be alone."

Yamamoto's eyes widen. He thinks what he said during their fight has had this affect on him. He should never have said the things he did to Gokudera. He often forgets that deep down inside, Gokudera is a lot more fragile than he looks.

"Gokudera... it's not something you should fear. You love Tsuna, don't you?"

Gokudera shakes his head. "The Tenth is different. I care about him deeply, I've devoted my life to protecting and being there for him whenever he needs me to be. But it isn't that kind of love. Not... not the kind of love... "

Yamamoto waits. Call him conceited but he thinks he knows what Gokudera's going to say and he wants to hear it. He wants him to say it. He leans over the edge of the bed so that he's inches away from Gokudera's face. His eyes are still closed and his breathing is a little erratic.

"Not what kind of love, Gokudera?"

Gokudera opens his eyes and Yamamoto sees a light of determination in them. It's not as strong as if he were sober, but it's still there and that makes Yamamoto hopeful. It means that though Gokudera might be under the influence of the morphine, what he's trying to say now is an honest truth.

"The kind of love... I have... for a baseball idiot," he finishes with a hint of a smile.

Yamamoto feels his heart skip a beat and then two, and when it picked up it's rhythm it raced faster than a humming bird's wings could flutter.

"You... you really mean that?" Yamamoto asks with uncertainty.

"I won't say it again, you bastard, so you better be listening now..." Gokudera shifted so that his lips brushed Yamamoto's and his heated breath fell softly upon them.

"I. Love. You," he whispers.

Yamamoto isn't sure what to do here. He wants to jump onto Gokudera and squeeze him and never let him go. He wants to check and make sure Gokudera doesn't have a fever and is suffering from delirium. He wants to freeze this moment in time and never leave it.

He's never heard Gokudera say these words in all the time they've been together, even after Yamamoto had said them first. And he probably would never have heard them if Gokudera hadn't been relaxed and high off the morphine but he's bot complaining. Those three little words have made him the happiest man alive.

And he feels that the moment he watched Gokudera walk away would have been the last they were ever together because even though Gokudera won't believe it, he really is an angel. He was willing to sacrifice himself and suffer in pain so that he wouldn't hurt Yamamoto. He was sacrificing his heart to save Yamamoto's.

The way Gokudera thinks will never make sense to him but he feels better. He'll eventually figure it out and he'll learn to understand it as time goes on. Because no matter how much it will hurt or frustrate him, he'll never let Gokudera walk away from him again. He'll never let Gokudera throw away his life to save his. They loved each other and when you love someone as much as they love you, everything is equal.

He silently thanks Lavina for the moment she taught Gokudera how to realize that it's okay to love because life is short. Too short not to seize the opportunities you're given, especially too short not to love someone that you can spend the rest of your life happy with.

And he thinks, here in this moment, that now he knows for sure that Gokudera loves him, everything will be easier from here on out. He knows how Gokudera feels and he'll never have to doubt it again.

"Oi... you going to say it back, you bastard?"

Yamamoto is ripped from his revelation by the rough and scratchy voice of the person he loves most in this world. Without hesitation, he smashes his lips to Gokudera's and gives him the sensual and intimate kiss they've ever shared.

When they break away, it's only for air and Yamamoto takes the chance to tell him. "Yes... Yes, Gokudera, I'll say it back and I'll say it over and over and as many times as you need me to so that you know it's okay to love me back. Because loving me isn't going to hurt me, just like me loving you won't hurt you. You don't have to be scared anymore, I'll love you forever. I'll love you in this moment and the next, when you want me to and when you don't want me to. You'll never have to worry about me leaving you. We'll protect each other, ne?"

Gokudera's face flushes such a beautifully soft shade of pink. He averts Yamamoto's gaze and pouts. "A simple 'I love you, too' would have sufficed."

Yamamoto laughs and kisses him once more, swallowing his protests. Gokudera finally stops resisting and snakes his good arm around Yamamoto's neck, getting lost in the embrace.

This is it. The moment that will be etched into Yamamoto's memory for the rest of his life. When he was old and gray and looking back on his life, he'll remember this moment. Because he and Gokudera were going to grow old together. They would, despite this world that often cut lives short, they would prevail because they had their friends and their loved ones and more importantly, each other.

Yamamoto rests his forehead against Gokudera's. He places several chaste kisses on those plush lips and smiles.  
"I love you too, Gokudera."

* * *

**Yamamoto's Note :**

Ne, author-san... Where can I get more of that morphine stuff?


	3. T3 - Rumor Has It

**Listen to the Stereo Tonight**

**[Pairing] **Yamamoto Takeshi x Gokudera Hayato [8059]

**[Rating] **T and up

**[Warning] **None. Swearing and sexual reference.

**[Summary] **Rumor has it that a certain Rain Guardian and a certain Storm Guardian have been up to something...

x

* * *

**Track 03**** : Rumor Has It - Adele**

* * *

Gokudera sat with his feet up on his desk and his hands behind his head. He closed his eyes and tried to enjoy a moment of peace before the teacher came back into the room and started nagging on him again for being a delinquent who didn't listen and why couldn't he just apply the same interest he took in his school work into actually being a respectful student.

Unfortunately the peace didn't last long. A few girls that claimed themselves as Gokudera's fan club chattered noisly a few desks behind him. He felt like turning around and shouting at them to be quiet but he figured that would just make them louder, screaming at what a cool guy he was. Tch, it pissed him off.

They became silent for a while until a few of them yelled, "Kyaaa! Is that really true?" and "Oh my gosh, are you serious!" and "Waah! I don't know if I should cheer them on or be disappointed!"

Gokudera paid no mind and continued to silently pray for silence. Taking a nap was rather difficult when these girls wouldn't shut up.

"Eeeehh?!"

Gokudera turned around to see the Tenth sitting behind him at another student's desk. Tsuna's eyes were wide. _Why is the Tenth here?_ he wondered. Tsuna was supposed to be studying with Sasagawa. _And why does he look so surprised?_

"Is that really true, Gokudera-kun?"

Gokudera's brow furrowed in puzzlement. "Pardon? Is what true, Tenth?'

"Those girls... those girls just said Gokudera-kun's been seeing Y-Yamamoto." Tsuna winced as the words left his lips, fearing Gokudera's outburst.

Gokudera's silver brows twitched. He felt the muscles in his whole face spasm. "**_WHAT?!_**" he raged.

"S-sorry, Gokudera-kun. It's just that... it's just that rumor has it you've been seeing Yamamoto. Is it really true?!"

He leaned over the desk and tried to compose himself. This was the Tenth he was talking to, not the stupid baseball **_moron_ **or that big mouthed, annoying group of girls that followed him everywhere calling themselves his devoted fan club.

"Tenth, please... please keep it down," he said with an uncomfortable laugh.

Tsuna returned Gokudera's awkward laugh with one of his own. "S-sorry, Gokudera-kun. I... I must be stupid to believe something like that."

Gokudera nervously looked around the classroom and made sure no one was listening. Luckily for him it was a free period and most of the students weren't actually in the classroom. And thank _God _Yamamoto wasn't at school today. He'd probably blurt it out, all to happy to finally have it out in the open and there wouldn't be a damn thing Gokudera could do about it.

"Tenth, please do not call yourself stupid. You can't help but fall victim to these wenches who try to suck you in with their nonsense gossip," he spat vehemently.

"Ah," Tsuna said with some relief, even though he felt a ittle sorry for the girls that seemed to like Gokudera a lot. "So it's really not true then. You're not really _seeing _Yamamoto," he whispered.

Gokudera felt his cheeks flush with heat. "Hah... well, I d-do _see_ Y-Yamamoto. Everyone does, right? It's not like he's transparent, right? Haha."

So awkward.

Tsuna looked at him oddly. "No, haha, Gokudera-kun... You... I mean, um... well you know, like... like me and Kyoko-chan see each other."

Gokudera sighed. He knew what the Tenth meant. He didn't want to have to lie but he couldn't very well tell him that _yes,_ he has been _seeing _Yamamoto _that_ way. With the admission comes the questions and Gokudera doesn't know how to answer them. He doesn't know exactly why or how he ended up entwined with the baseball idiot in dark corners of the school, the locker room or the bathrooms but just one day, instead of blowing Yamamoto _up_ for annoying the fuck out of him, Gokudera ended up blowing him _off_ and Yamamoto didn't seem to mind it.

It's been going on for about a year now and they're in their last year of school. Gokudera was naive to believe that their sneaking around school would go unnoticed. Especially when that idiot was so touchy-feely with him out in the open. Even if it wasn't true, the way that Yamamoto is always calling after him, or chasing him down the halls or waits for him after practice, it was bound to draw attention.

He didn't want to admit to the Tenth that he was with Yamamoto for a lot of reasons but mainly because he was afraid that being in a relationship with another Guardian might pose a problem. Suppose things got messy and Yamamoto quit? Or they couldn't work well together even after how far they've come in terms of team work. It was a weakness that Gokudera didn't want to have and he was so close to becoming the Tenth's right hand man. He didn't want that to affect his chances.

He sighed finally and leaned back in his chair. When he knew that he and Yamamoto were serious enough to call what they did a relationship, then he'd tell the Tenth. Right now Gokudera wanted to keep this to himself. And he was going to make Yamamoto pay for his actions later, for making him lie to the Tenth.

"No way, Tenth! I'd never be caught dead in a relationship with that brainless idiot," Gokudera began. "He just follows me around because he thinks I'm cool. Either that or he's waiting for the moment I slip up and he can move in on being your right hand man." Gokudera clenched his fist and shook it comically. "That annoying scoundrel!"

Tsuna looked at him wearily. "Ha... ha... I don't think Yamamoto really cares about that mafia stuff, Gokudera-kun. He still thinks it's just a game."

"Che. That idiot," Gokudera huffed. "Anyways, Tenth. They're just rumors."

"Well, again, Gokudera-kun... sorry for believing in such things. It's just that... it's kind of easy to believe with how close you two are lately. Yamamoto seems to like you a lot and well... I've noticed you're not as-"

A black fedora suddenly poked out of the slot in Tsuna's desk followed by wiry sideburns.

"Gokudera. Dame Tsuna."

"Gyaaa! Reborn! What are you doing in my desk!"

"R-Reborn-san!" Gokudera startled, nearly tipping his chair backwards and falling over. Had he been there the entire fucking time?! Great, all he needed was this baby going around telling all of Italy and the other Guardians _and _the fucking Arcobaleno that he and the Rain Guardian were seeing each other. Gokudera scoffed inwardly. He probably already knew the truth, Reborn had a habit of spying on them without their knowledge and that's why he seemed to know everything.

The thought gave him the creeps. He'd have to remind himself to refrain from doing anything with Yamamoto other than kicking his ass, in places Reborn or anyone else for that matter could see.

"Really, Reborn! Go away before someone sees you!" Tsuna shrieked worriedly.

Reborn's large obsidian eyes blinked a few times before staring up at Tsuna.

"Ma," he said in his squeaky Arcobaleno voice but he sounded like a robot. "Rumor has it that you're a no good Tsuna."

Tsuna deadpanned along with Gokudera. He looked down at Reborn in exasperation. He laughed awkwardly and attempted to shove Reborn back into his desk. Tsuna let out a frustrated sigh when Reborn repeated the same phrase, only louder to draw attention.

"Gah, Reborn! Hasn't anyone ever told you not to believe teenage rumors?"


	4. T4 - Let It Go

**[Pairing] **8059 / Yamamoto x Gokudera

**[Rating] **M

**[Warnings] **None

**[Summary] **Gokudera doesn't know what it means to let go until it's already too late. [Not as angsty as it sounds]

**[Disclaimer] **All rights belong to Amano Akira

* * *

**Track 04 : Let It Go - Demi Lovato **

* * *

_"Hey... Hey, are you listening to me?... I said it's okay... It's okay to let go."_

It's not okay to let go. It isn't okay when all you've held close was his hand, his heart. It's not okay to let go when you've tried so hard to overcome your fear of being lost, being _lonely._

It's especially not okay to let go when there's never been a reason why you should.

Okay... at first Gokudera thinks he should have let go a long time ago. He should have given it up for ghost and chalked it up to something stupid, something definitely worth calling a mistake. After all, shit happens sometimes.

Except when the other man is the ever so persistent and _annoying_ asshole, it's not exactly easy to go on pretending that nothing happened. To pretend like nothing is there. Because while Gokudera was thinking it was just a mistake, _he_ was thinking something else.

Gokudera can't say when he began to notice, but perhaps it started when the gaze from those hazel eyes became just a little more heated, when his fingertips would graze and linger just a little too long... when awkward silence became words unspoken and tension filled the air between them, something nearly tangible.

Perhaps it all began when he realized the flutter in the pit of his stomach; something unforgettable and foreign. Maybe it was when his chest clinched tight with dread every time _he _left for a mission. It was quite possible, most probable that it happened after the first time they actually kissed.

It all leads back to that one kiss.

Long ago, when Gokudera was young and stupid - hair just a touch longer; his height just a little taller; his body harder and defined - there was a time in his life, that for a very good reason, he was totally lost. Even the Tenth's light offered him no solace from the bleak and abysmal darkness. His father had died and Gokudera hadn't had the chance to talk to him about his mother. It was something he longed for after Bianchi told him that he was born from two loving parents, something he had never thought he'd understand unless his father told him what that actually meant.

It hit him harder than he expected and put him out of commission with the Vongola, for just a short little while. That had made things worse, feeling worthless and abandoned; ashamed and useless. However, another entity shed light on his miserable existence. Someone far more brighter, like a solar flare from a giant sun. He was exuberant and vital, deadly and dangerous, charming and amiable. To Gokudera, his light was _too _bright; so bright that he felt like he was being burnt by his rays, an annoying sting and itch that sunk beneath his skin and seared itself into his brain.

He doesn't remember a time where he's ever liked the man across from him, there's been times where he's feared for the other's life or cheered him on in some way or another. But Gokudera does that for the family, to save face for the Tenth. His personal opinion of this man is that he's stupid. He's stupid and nonchalant; too relaxed and too casual. His presence though bright, is arrogant and ignorant and there is nothing Gokudera despises more in this world are people that go through life on the coat tails of another. After all, he's had to work _hard _for everything he's ever had and everything that he is. The man across from him is a natural. He's a natural at everything he does, including his abilities as a hitman.

Regardless of his personal opinion, Gokudera sits with his legs tucked under a kotatsu, picking at pieces of uneaten sushi and the man he despises sits across from him. They talk idly about nothing, Gokudera doesn't even know why he's here until he says that he came because he was worried.

It's not odd for him to say something like that, he's not at all intelligent enough to make poetry out of pretty metaphors. He's blunt and awkward sometimes, and he always speaks his mind. But for some reason, this time Gokudera feels a slight skip in his heart beat. A slight hitch in his breathing. It's been a long time since he's felt this kind of warmth, but he tells himself that it's the heat from the kotatsu and nothing more.

The idiot keeps talking, expressing his concern with his lips turned under and his brow creased with worry. It's such an unnatual look for him that Gokudera can't help but stare.

_"Gokudera, I know things have been rough for you and I honestly can't begin to imagine how you feel. Well, I kinda do. Like, when we went to the future and I found out about my old man. There was an empty feeling, you know? Like a huge hole in my heart and a heavy weight on my chest. And I know it's not the same because we fixed things and he's alive now... but If that's how you feel then... let me help you."_

_"Che. Idiot. What nonsense are you spouting now? Help me with what, exactly?"_

_"Let me help you let it go. Let me help you fill that void."_

Gokudera protests, not sure what he means by it. For such a simple sentence, it seems so cryptic. How many ways could he interpret that, how many ways can he actually fill the void that's been sucking his soul, his whole sorry existence into an infinite black hole?

The answer is zero.

_"Tch. Stupid. We're not even friends. I don't need your help, or your pity. So just... fuck off with that sappy bullshit."_

It's what he says but it isn't what he means. He wants so desperately to stop the numbness, he wants to stop feeling like he's in a perpetual limbo and just get back to the way things were before. He wants to let it go.

The man smiles for him, and Gokudera knows it's a smile reserved _only _for him because for some reason this man has always been a little too close for comfort, despite Gokudera's attempts to push him away. He's gotten really good at reading the nuances in every motion of the dark haired man opposite to him.

It's then that this defining moment that has had catastrophic disaster of epic proportions happens. Okay, that's a little bit of an exaggeration but Gokudera felt like his life began to slowly unravel, at least his mind did, after this one moment.

The taller man, who's now even more built than Gokudera is; thick biceps and a broad back; skilled in swift and agile motion, leans over the kotatsu and cups his cheek in one, large hand. It's then that Gokudera remembers the warmth of those slightly chapped lips pressing tentatively against his and the subtle slide of fingers trailing across his cheek, curling into his hair. It's then that his heart stops, mind races and he does the unthinkable. He returns the gentle touch of those lips with something far more desperate, far more hungrier. He's just a little too aggressive when he grabs fistfuls of the raven hair (and tries so hard not to think about how soft the locks feel in between his fingers) and drags the idiot down, down and deeper into a perilous kiss with sharp teeth snagging and loose tongues tangling. It's the stupid thing Gokudera has ever done, but it feels the like greatest in that moment. It slowly thaws out his rigid heart, gives way to a new heat that now pools deep in the pit of his stomach. It's the stupidest thing he's ever done and he has to wonder if this will lead to anything more. If this will ever mean anything at all.

In the years following, Gokudera comes to realize he depends on the idiot just a little too much. His light; his warmth have become something of a hindrance but all at the same time something Gokudera desperately craves. The relationship isn't a relationship. It's full of blood streaked skin and sweat soaked hair; a rough tumble of tangled limbs and tangled bed sheets (sometimes there isn't a bed at all) ; full of breathless moans, empty promises, lustful obscenities and foreign curses. It's nothing but rage releasing, testosterone driven, mind numbing kind of fucking that Gokudera needs to get rid of the anxiety, of the stress and the bitterness. The idiot is even a natural when it comes to sex, Gokudera finds it kind of ironic. Finds it ironic that the one person he can't stand, the one person that makes him want to gouge out his own eyeballs and rip his hair out by the root is also the one person that can mercilessly bring him to his knees and have him splayed out and wanting, begging and wanton.

He's the one person that can make Gokudera feel.

And Gokudera notices, that though he's refused to give in and make it into something more than it is, the tall man with the deep scar on his chin and eyes that smile all on their own, isn't happy with just that. He wants more, he wants so much _more_, that fucking greedy bastard. Because he's not good at pretending, he's not satisfied with just as is. He wants all of Gokudera, every last bit of his deranged and unstable self. Gokudera can't say he's ever felt so wanted, so welcomed but it scares him so he continues to push. Deep down, there's an itch he can't scratch - a nagging tug at the back of his mind, plucking at his heart strings. Something telling him that even he knows this man means something more to him than whatever it was he had convinced himself of before. He can tell because there's a pain in his chest when the other man isn't with him and just the mere aura of him makes Gokudera feel at ease, tranquil and serene.

But there's only so many times you can push someone away before they stop coming back. It may have taken a bit longer because not only is this man stupid but he is also very patient and it's taken him a little bit longer to get the point. Gokudera doesn't want more, he doesn't want to let it interfere with his life or all the baggage that comes with being in a relationship with another man; a Guardian; a mafioso. He doesn't want to close that fissure deep within his heart for fear that it might tear open once again and this time there would be no one to mend it. There would never be another person like this man and if Gokudera were to lose him, there'd be no coming back from that dark and dismal place. So he simply keeps his distance, keeps the ex-ballplayer at an arm's length and finally the other man has gotten the hint.

He's crushed, Gokudera can see it in his face; his body language; his haphazard and forced smile he puts on for everyone at work. He hopes the man feels that something is better than nothing but as he stares at the other Guardian, watches him mournful and somber, he realizes the man had already been living by that idiom since they shared that fist kiss when they were only seventeen. Now he grieved the death of a non existent relationship and it's where he first realizes that this man might actually love him.

Gokudera tries to reason, tries to get back that feeling but he can't because he's already gone cold. Gokudera's light has travelled to a far off distant planet where he's destined to become someone else's sun. It's left Gokudera feeling frozen, locked out and enveloped in ice and he's come to understand that this hurts more than he wants it to, it hurts more than if he were to leave and not return because he's _there_; right there in front of Gokudera but he's had enough and no longer wants to do this little dance. He's got feelings too, he wears his heart on his sleeve and Gokudera knows this hurts him too. But it must have hurt far more to be the victim of unrequited love. He tries to apologize, he even explains that he's cold, _so cold _without the other man's embrace but all the other man does is smile and say,

_"Hey... it's alright. I understand and I'm sorry for pushing you for something you didn't want, You don't have to pretend for my sake. Just let it go, Gokudera. I'll be fine, haha."_

Gokudera hears the faltering in his voice, he sees the anguish laced through the man's otherwise cheerful features. He zones out, watching him; thinking about him; thinking about a future. Thinking about finally letting everything else go that's kept him from being unable to love. Keeping him from truly being happy. He wants this man, wants his love and his stupidity; his sex and his smile; he wants this man's all. Stake his claim on this sun before it's too late.

"Hey... Hey, are you listening to me? I said it's okay. It's okay to let go."

Gokudera looks at the man in front of him, ten years after they've shared their first kiss and finally let's it go. Finally accepts that it's okay to be loved, it's okay to be in this man's hands because he knows this man will never hurt him. He feels safe and at peace; wanted and admired. There's no reason to let him go, none at all.

"Gokudera... are you alright? You keep spacing out."

Moving in just a little bit closer, nothing like the reflexes the man opposite of him exhibits, but quick nonetheless, Gokudera recreates the moments from their first kiss. He cups the smooth, tanned cheek, slides his hand to the back of the man's neck and pulls him down to his height. Gokudera brushes his lips against the other man's and then gives way to the overwhelming emotion, allowing himself to be engulfed by this man's warmth hoping he can read the conviction in this kiss. He must, because he pulls Gokudera close, hugs him tight around his waist and this time it's _him _that kisses Gokudera with a desperate hunger, a longing that Gokudera now fully understands.

Gokudera breaks from the kiss first and rests his head against the other man's chest and hears that his heart thuds in tandem with his own. It makes him smile that they've always been so in sync, and he still finds it ironic that the one person he hates is actually the one person that he loves.

"Hey... can I say it?"

Of course. Leave it up to the idiot to ruin the moment.

"Say what, baseball freak?"

"I love you, Hayato."

Gokudera's heart skips one, two, three beats and he allows himself to smile just a little bit longer while he relishes in this man's embrace. He hopes the man is listening, because he'll probably only ever say this once. It's not like Gokudera likes him or anything and doesn't want the idiot to get a big head about it.

After a long stretch of silence, Gokudera finally says, "I love you too, Takeshi."


	5. T5 - Don't Tell 'Em

**Track 05 : Don't Tell 'Em - Jeremih ft. YG**

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**Warnings : **NC17, Gokudera/OCs for the first few paragraphs, nothing too descriptive.

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_Body like the summer, fuckin' like no other_

_Don't you tell 'em what we do_

_**-Don't Tell 'Em,** Jeremih _

* * *

Gokudera wasn't a virgin the first time he slept with Yamamoto. Well, not technically. The first time he lost his virginity was when he was sixteen, to some daughter of a rival family. She was twice his age and she had information the Vongola needed.

Reborn said _find a way to make it happen_, so he did. He knew what the Arcobleno implied, just didn't know why he came to _him_ of all people to woo a girl. Gokudera wasn't good at that kind of stuff, but the baseball idiot was, and he was pretty damn good at being suave. Regardless, it was for the family so Gokudera didn't question it. He got her drunk, fucked her and got the information they needed. He wasn't proud of it, but it had to be done.

The first thing he noticed was that he wasn't attracted to this woman at all. He thought it was because she was an enemy. But being a teenage boy, he should have had raging hormones, enough to make any woman with tits and a pussy look good. But no, he could barely get his dick hard enough to fuck her. With some self stimulation he did and she finished, but he didn't. He didn't even know if it was good sex or not, having nothing to compare it to. He chalks that up to being too drunk to come, he's heard alcohol can do that to a person. She tells him he was good, he doesn't tell her he was a virgin.

The second time Gokudera had sex was with a call girl Shamal brought with him to a party at his apartment. He was seventeen, she was older and not really attractive, but he got drunk; she made the move; he fucked her _amazingly_ but he didn't get off. He tells himself it was because he drunk and Shamal tells him it was his guilty conscience for stealing his date.

The third time is when he's sober, a week before graduation. There's a girl at their high school that's been following him around everywhere. Gokudera thinks she's there for Yamamoto, because Yamamoto is always fucking with _him_ until one day she asks Yamamoto to ask Gokudera out for her. At first he says no, he doesn't really have time for girls. The family and being there for the Tenth keeps him busy, he's one hundred percent devoted to Tsuna so no, no time for girls. This one isn't pretty either.

Yamamoto doesn't think so though, he nags Gokudera and tells him she's a real catch; smart and pretty and Gokudera should stop being a bastard and give her a chance.

Yeah, Yamamoto picked up the bad habit of swearing as much as Gokudera did; even smoked with Gokudera on the school roof every once in a while.

He waves Yamamoto off dismissively, that guy doesn't have any good taste in anything until the Tenth points it out too. Gokudera takes a step back and tries to reevaluate his track with women.

Coming to a conclusion he's not really certain he's okay with, he meets with the girl after school and they talk. She _is_ smart and Gokudera can objectively say that she has good, symmetrical features that would technically make a person attractive but he just doesn't feel anything. A little mortified at his revelation, he decides to partake in an experiment that may not have been the nicest and most gentlemanly thing he could have done. But what the hell, he isn't _nice_, he's an asshole.

Gokudera fucks her behind the baseball field, underneath the bleachers. Being here reminds him of Yamamoto; and it's not just the baseball diamond but it's the smell of sweat and dirt, wood and leather; a smell that hangs off Yamamoto all the time, that makes him think of the baseball idiot.

While she's sucking his dick, his eyes are squeezed shut, _trying_ to rid himself of the fucking sushi moron that keeps laughing in his head. It isn't a mocking laugh; its just his normal, everyday laugh. _Haha, Gokudera! You're a pretty funny guy._

When he's fucking her from behind, her knees spread wide on his school uniform jacket, he's thinking about Yamamoto and the look he gets in his eyes when he's focused; like when he plays ball or cuts deep with his sword. When she calls his name, he hears Yamamoto's _Yo, Gokudera! _and when he comes, it's Yamamoto's name that nearly slips from his lips. She tells him she had been thinking about doing this with him for a long time, he doesn't tell her he was thinking about a _man_ the whole time.

He's mortified, he avoids Yamamoto as much as he can. He doesn't know how or why or what, he just knows that it's true. He's _gay_; he's most certainly _gay_ and what's worse is that he's undeniably _gay_ for the Rain Guardian. It makes him throw up, it makes him have nightmares, it makes him have _other_ types of dreams; where Yamamoto is splayed out underneath him, panting his name and begging for more. He longs to scrub his brain with something like bleach, rid himself of these intrusive thoughts; these feelings he has every time he hears Yamamoto speak or laugh or look his way.

The next time he has sex is when he's twenty and he's in Milan. He goes for a job and he picks up a man from a bar, drunk and angry, and fucks him in the back alley. When he's done, he feels disgusted with himself and throws up over a heap of garbage bags. The man tells him he just wanted to get fucked; _no feelings signore_, Gokudera doesn't tell him it was Yamamoto's debauched and sun kissed, summery body he was envisioning the whole time.

He's twenty-three the next time he has sex and it's the Tenth's and Sasagawa's engagement party in Paris. He's had too much to drink and he's had to deal with Yamamoto in close proximity all night. The idiot is _always_ in his personal space; smelling the way he does, smiling the way he does, hooking his arm around Gokudera's shoulders the way that he does. He finally gets to the balcony of the Vongola's Paris estate for some fresh balmy summer air and Yamamoto follows suit shortly there after. He asks for a cigarette and Gokudera hands one to him nonchalantly while he sways on his feet. Yamamoto laughs and jokes that he's drunk too and Gokudera can't help but stare at his lips the entire time he speaks. He watches his Adam's apple bob up and down as he speaks and without a word, he acts on impulse and smashes his lips on to the unsuspecting Rain Guardian's mouth. It's all tongue and teeth, messy and wet but to his surprise Yamamoto returns the kiss. They abandon their cigarettes and crash and tumble towards the nearest bedroom.

Gokudera can't explain how it happened because the next morning he doesn't remember much. He remembers the blur of their pants being shed and the way Yamamoto called out his name. When he wakes up the next morning, it's with a splitting headache and Yamamoto's arm draped around his waist possessively. Yamamoto wakes up and smiles at him, says his usual _Morning, Gokudera!_ except it's rough and sultry and so _god damned fucking sexy_. Gokudera isn't as horrified as he thought he would be but he is taken aback by the fact that Yamamoto is okay with this. Yamamoto wants him to stay, Gokudera leaves without saying anything other than _Don't tell anyone about this, you fucker, or I'll fucking blow you to pieces._

The next time they have sex, it's a week after the first time and they're on a mission in Russia. Yamamoto makes his first kill and panics and in a desperate attempt to distract him, Gokudera rips off Yamamoto's clothes and takes him to a place of pure bliss right in the middle of all the dead and chaos. When it's over he realises he's covered in sweat and blood and semen but the adrenaline pumping through his veins is enough to almost make him smile. He's never felt so fucking alive and while Yamamoto tries to take the warming approach with soft kisses and _I really like you_, Gokudera shrugs him off, dresses and tells him not to tell a soul. Yamamoto listens.

The times they fuck become more frequent and the things they do with each other become more bold. They've fucked in their offices, they've fucked in their cars, in motel rooms on missions and once in the Namimori locker room of their old middle school. Gokudera's always been a selfish person and he doesn't do the things he does to please Yamamoto, he does what he does because he's fucking _good_ at it and he just wants to show off. He makes Yamamoto beg for him when his fingers are buried deep inside his ass, he makes Yamamoto come by flicking his tongue across the head of his cock and staring up into his hazel eyes defiantly while he does it. He lets Yamamoto spurt his release across his face because he loves the way it makes Yamamoto instantly hard again.

Gokudera is twenty-four when he lets Yamamoto fuck him. It's something new and the idiot's been begging for it for a long time now, says he _wants to feel what 'Dera feels like_. Gokudera does it, it feels fucking great and so painful that he wants to die but he doesn't hate it at all. He's become quite addicted to this baseball loving bastard and the way he makes Gokudera feel. No one knows about them but he's pretty sure the Tenth has some idea. He wouldn't be the great Vongola Decimo with that hyper intuition if he didn't. He still tells Yamamoto not to speak a word of their arrangement to anyone because he's not ready for that yet. He's the fucking Storm Guardian, he's not ready to reveal that he's gay and fucking the Rain Guardian no less. The Tenth and Sasagawa are together and even the stupid lawn head has a girlfriend, and Gokudera's pretty sure that Lambo's got a thing for I-Pin, so he knows it probably looks a little suspicious that the two most fawned over men in middle school (and still to this day) by flocks of women are still single, but he also knows that his and Yamamoto's jobs are the most time consuming; no one's going to question why they're still single.

It happens one night, when Yamamoto doesn't come back to the base after a simple negotiations meeting, that Gokudera actually pays attention to the pain he feels in the center of his chest; heavy like an anvil sits on it. He's actually worried about the idiot and when he arrives the next day, bent and broken on a stretcher brought in by his team, he chokes; he goes on a rampage around the base; doesn't eat and doesn't sleep and finally, doesn't leave Yamamoto's side until he wakes up. It's then he realises that Yamamoto means more to him than just a thrill; he's more than a fuck buddy and a cheap way to get an adrenaline high. But he's always thought that, hasn't he? When he goes back through all the years of thinking only of him and nobody else. Of course, he doesn't tell Yamamoto, that would inflate the bastard's head way too much. For now, he's satisfied with telling Yamamoto that he's an idiot and he'd better not fucking die on him.

The sex they have now is different, now that Gokudera recognizes how he feels; now that Yamamoto knows how Gokudera feels. It's still explosive in every way, but now it's something more. Something more sensual in the way they move together; the way that Yamamoto kisses him, soft and fluttering; the way that he touches Gokudera, like he's something to be treasured. Yamamoto tells him he loves him now, Gokudera doesn't tell him that he does too.

It's close to Christmas in Japan, and it's honestly Gokudera's favourite time of year. He likes the way the Tenth's face still lights up when all the family gets together. He's married to Sasagawa now, except she's no longer Sasagawa to Gokudera - she's the Tenth's wife; her name is Sawada Kyoko. He's proud of the Tenth, he's proud of his family and he's proud of the man Yamamoto's become. He calls him Takeshi when they're alone and they do more than just fuck; they spend their time off together doing stupid coupley things but Gokudera's okay with that. He also likes the way Yamamoto's face lights up whenever he's with him.

After their Christmas party, they go back to their shared apartment. Gokudera and Yamamoto still haven't told anyone they're together but he's pretty sure everyone already knows. He says the apartment was for convenience and that all the time they spend together is out of habit but he's pretty sure everyone sees right through his lies. He's okay with that too because no one judges him or questions it; they just let him be and that's the way he likes it. He knows if Yamamoto had his own way, he'd let everyone know about them, he'd scream it from the rooftops and over the airwaves but he knows doing that will earn him a stick of dynamite shoved somewhere he wouldn't like very much, so he remains quiet.

They're twenty-seven now and Yamamoto is still a big, sentimental goof. He dangles a sprig of mistletoe above his head and demands a kiss childishly and Gokudera does it anyways because Yamamoto can be a rather big kid at times and he doesn't want to put up with his whining tonight. When he kisses Yamamoto, it's long and slow and deep. When he undresses Yamamoto, it's teasingly and meticulous and erotic. When they move to their bed they enjoy touching each other's bodies with soft caresses. Gokudera sucks Yamamoto's cock the way he likes it, just this time he does it leisurely and stops just before Yamamoto comes. He let's Yamamoto take the lead and he wraps his legs around Yamamoto's back and rocks with him. He lets Yamamoto hear his voice, takes in the kind and loving words Yamamoto whispers against his neck and kisses him with every fiber of his being. He does love Yamamoto and he's sure Yamamoto knows that. When they come, they come together and their kisses have a smoldering heat to them before they die down and Yamamoto grins wide.

"Hey... Hayato," he says after they've cleaned up and he's made hot chocolate for them to drink in bed. "I got you something."

Gokudera has gotten something for Yamamoto too but he's not going to let him open it until Christmas morning. "Well what is it, you bastard? Or did you just tell me to be annoying?"

"Haha no, I'm going to give it to you. It's not a Christmas present, really... Just something... for you."

Gokudera feels his face getting hot, flaring up even though he's cooled down from their lengthy physical activity. "Che. You're a real sap, you know that. I -"

Yamamoto places his finger over Gokudera's lips and grins wide. "Shh, no more talking. I don't care how embarrassed you get, I wanna see your face okay?"

Gokudera nips at the fingertip covering his mouth. "Tch... impossible. I won't give you the reaction you're expecting, you know. You tend to forget that I'm not as sickly sentimental as you are."

"Yeah, yeah. Just put your mug down and hold out your hand, okay?"

Gokudera raises a suspicious brow but sets his mug on the bedside table and sets out his hand, palm up. "Well?"

"Haha, close your eyes."

"Yamamoto! Are we tweleve? Just give it to me or I'm going to kick-"

"Okay, okay!" Yamamoto says laughing and swiftly places something in Gokudera's palm. He looks down on it and sees a black box and right away he's stunned. He's kind of angry because it's expensive looking and no matter how long he's been with Yamamoto, he isn't yet used to being spoiled by him.

"What is this?" he asks a bit indignantly.

Yamamoto smiles for him, wide and bright. "Just open it and you'll see."

Gokudera scowls but opens it anyways, praying it's another pair of earrings like he got the year before and not what he can't stop himself from thinking it is.

Of course, it's _exactly_ what he thinks it is.

He gasps and he doesn't mean to, and he's glad it gets kind of stuck in his throat. "Takeshi... what... what the f-fuck is this?"

Yamamoto looks at him a little quizzically. "It's a ring, Hayato. Obviously."

"I _know_ it's a ring, you jackass! Why are you giving me a _ring_?" he spouts. His heart is thudding hard against his chest and he's having trouble looking at the gleaming band set in the middle of the box.

"Because I wanna marry you," he says simply; nonchalantly, with a shrug.

Gokudera glares at him incredulously. He can't believe what he's hearing, what he's seeing, though part of him pretty much expected it. It still doesn't prepare him for the surprise he gets, the flutter in his stomach or the skipping of his heart.

He looks at Gokudera and his face splits open with a wide grin. "So, will you? Marry me, 'cause I want to be with Hayato forever."

Gokudera finally finds enough in him to scoff and pluck the ring out of the box. He stares at it like it's a foreign piece of history from a far away planet (which would be way cooler, he might add) and finally tosses the ring into Yamamoto's lap. He frowns but Gokudera grabs him and kisses him, kisses him hard and with all the feeling he can muster.

"You have to propose to me properly, you idiot. Don't go expecting me to put my own enga- whatever-this-is-kind-of-ring-is on my finger myself, you bastard."

Yamamoto chortles heartedly. He grabs hold of Gokudera's hand and slips the ring on his annulary finger. "Gokudera, will you marry me?"

"God no," he says with a smirk that might just be a smile in disguise.

Yamamoto laughs and leans in to kiss him, wraps his arms around him and rests his head on Gokudera's shoulder. He lets out an elated sigh and Gokudera can feel him smile against his skin.

"I can't wait to tell everyone that you made me ask you-," he begins happily.

Gokudera reaches over and pinches Yamamoto's lips together. "Don't you dare tell 'em, you fucker."

* * *

**Bonus :**

Gokudera's Christmas present for Yamamoto was a kind-of-sort-of-engagement ring too. Yamamoto was also told not to tell a fucking sould about it or he'd die.

He didn't ask Gokudera to propose properly either. He knew Gokudera would have killed him.


	6. T6 - Lullabies

**Pairing : **Yamamoto Takeshi/Gokudera Hayato

**Warning : **Cavity causing domestic fluff; Future Fic

**Summary : **In which Gokudera is uncharacteristically and blissfully content with his domesticated slice of life.

**Disclaimer : **I don't own Katekyo Hitman Reborn! If I did, it'd be a yaoi manga. [all rights reserved, Akira Amano-sensei]

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**Track 06 : Lullabies - Yuna (Adventure Club Remix)**

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Gokudera walked by the first room in the hallway, and stopped when he heard the soft tone floating through the door, which was slightly left ajar.

He had never pegged Yamamoto for someone that could carry a tune, but his voice was serene and lulling when singing old lullabies passed down from his mother.

Gokudera knew a lullaby or two, often sung by his own mother while he hit the right keystrokes on the piano with her fingers gently curved over his own. He, however, couldn't sing for shit.

And that was okay though, he wasn't one to want to sing; wasn't the type to even do it in the shower. Yamamoto, on the other hand, had a soothing baritone voice and would sing for any occasion that called for it and yes, even in the shower.

He stood against the wall and closed his eyes, feeling pride and love and anything good under the sun swell between the confines of his rib cage.

He listened (in secret) and was surprised to hear this lullaby Yamamoto sang in English. A change from the traditional Japanese lullabies he sang. Gokudera recognised this one right away, because it was one he taught to Yamamoto himself, one _his_ mother used to sing to him.

_"Sail baby, sail..._

_" Far across the sea,_

_"Only don't forget to sail,_

_"Home again to me..."_

Gokudera's mouth curled into smile and he he remained by the door for the duration of the song, long forgetting what reason he had ventured up the hallway for to begin with. He had lost himself in the tranquility and wondered if Yamamoto's emission of Rain flames had anything to do with it, as he often exuded - just a little - when he put their daughter to bed.

Gokudera had become so calm that he hasn't noticed the silence, nor Yamamoto slinking out of the bedroom until he felt a hand placed on his hip.

His eyes fluttered open and Yamamoto smiled. "She's asleep."

"Dishes are done," Gokudera countered, with a smile of his own.

Yamamoto took his hand and led him out into their living room. "You were listening."

Gokudera smirked. "Yeah, so? Your English still sucks."

Yamamoto laughed and pulled him in close. "I knew you were. It's one of your favourites, isn't it?"

"Shut up... You entrapped me with your Rain flames, you sneaky bastard. How much did you use on her anyway?" he asked accusingly. _If you were able to reach **me** out in the hallway?_

Yamamoto chuckled and kissed the top of his head. "I didn't use any. She was really tired tonight, fell asleep pretty fast. Seems you are too, if it affected you that much," he added with a short chortle.

Gokudera glanced at the wall clock and sat down on their sofa, Yamamoto following suit. There, he curled into Yamamoto and rested his head on Yamamoto's shoulder. He _was_ a little tired, he'd been up early that day to finish the last of reports the Tenth had left on his desk and then had to endure a rather long and exhausting lunch with his sister and Lambo, only to have returned back to work where he continued working on his newest version of Sistema C.A.I. It wasn't that he really needed it, things in the Mafia world were quiet. Long gone were the ruthless battles and posing threats but one could never be too careful. There was always someone plotting to take over the world and now that he and Yamamoto had a child, it wasn't just the Vongola family they fought to protect. It was for the Tenth and Kyoko's family, Lambo and I-Pin's family and _this_ generation of children; _their_ futures are what they fought to protect. His and Yamamoto's own family; _her future._

Truth was that yes, he was tired but that's not what makes him comfortable enough to forget the outside world for a little while. That's not what makes him warm with domestication and calm enough to be okay with it. It's Yamamoto's embrace, their daughter, the little slice of life they call their own, that makes him feel at ease. He is _content_ with all things that go on in this corner of the world. He is _happy_.

"I am a little tired," he murmured, tucking his face in the crook of Yamamoto's neck. He brushed his lips against the skin in the form of a fond and listless kiss. "Sing me a lullaby, Takeshi."

Yamamoto wrapped his arms around him and coddled him like a child. It was funny that he always held him like that, and Gokudera really didn't mind. Not now, anyways. Gokudera knew, that Yamamoto knew he had things that needed to be protected too. And he was just as happy. If anything, this was the life Yamamoto wanted more than anything in the world and Gokudera was glad he was the one to give it to him.

"Okay."

He kissed the top of Gokudera's head once more and laughed a little, soft and appeasing. He felt warmth from Yamamoto's hand as it stroked through his hair and he _knew_ that bastard was using Rain flames on him.

_"Like lullabies you are,_

_"Forever in my mind..._

_"I see you in all,_

_"The pieces in my life..._

_"Though you weren't mine,_

_"You were my first love..."_

Gokudera doesn't hear the rest because he's already fallen asleep.

* * *

**Notes:**

The first lullaby Yamamoto sings is a lullaby called "Slumber Boat". These aren't the original lyrics but the lyrics I heard when I was a child.

The second lullaby Yamamoto sings is the original version of the song, "Lullabies" by Yuna and not the dubstep version I filed the fic under.


End file.
